I almost lost my husband yesterday. Actually, I did lose him. He knew right where he was, but nobody else did. What was supposed to be a fun day snowmobiling turned dangerous. He was able to call me and tell me he was okay, but his father, who was up on the mountain with him, didn't know where he was.
I could dedicate this post to how stupid men are. That they don't take necessary precautions, they think it's wimpy to be prepared, etc., but I won't.
I knew my husband could take care of himself. He has been trained in wilderness survival, he was in the army, and he's a doctor. I knew he could take care of himself. I was just hoping he would be out of there before dark.
He got out, he was safe, but we did have to call search and rescue to find his dad. They found him, and he was fine.
This whole experience sent me reeling! Seriously, I tend to worry myself into a frenzy, and I panic, and basically have an anxiety attack. Not good traits in the wife of an adventurer, which is what my husband is. Also not good traits in a mother of two boys who are destined to be just like their father.
My mother-in-law was cool the whole time. She wasn't worried until it got dark and we had to call search and rescue. Then she sort of got some worry lines in her forehead. She was mostly mad.
So, I had about six hours to think about what horrible things could happen to my husband and what I would do without him. I'd probably shrivel up into a ball and die. Basically. It made me wonder if I was too dependent on him. Is that a bad thing to depend on someone so much that I don't think I could survive without him? I would have to for the sake of my children, but I think I'd really need my mommy.
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I have often wondered that too. A part of me being so dependent on someone else scares me when I realize how dependent I have become to Robby. I have always thought of myself as somewhat independent person, but I have allowed myself to become so dependent on Robby, that I dont know what I'd do if he were gone, if I'd be able to pick myself up off the ground and continue on.....maybe being pregnant has brought out all my deepest fears that I tend to stuff deep down and not think about, but the thought of Robby not being around scares the crap out of me, more so than being a mom.
ReplyDeleteDiana, I'm totally there with you on the too dependent issue. The Church no doubt encourages women to receive as much education as we can, but emphasis on marriage and staying home to raise children is greater (in my opinion), so when the unfortunate event happens (loss of income, divorce, death of husband), we're in a frenzy and freaking out. Naturally, it's up to the individual to be prepared in that situation and have the educational background to deal with it, but it seems in the church working women, especially working moms are SO the minority and are unfortunately sometimes looked down upon. I'm sad now I didn't take my studies more seriously and although I have my B.S. to back me up, I don't really know what I'd like to do "when I grow up". I'm trying to remind myself not to lose my identity as a stay at home mom and keep my life and myself interesting. It's easy to feel down on yourself for not "doing anything important" in life.
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