Wednesday, April 8, 2009

My Marriage: The Quest for Understanding

I don't understand my husband, and he doesn't understand me. My husband is 41/2 years older than I am and many more years more mature. In fact, his first impression of me was that I was really immature. I guess that's why it took him 3 years before he asked me out. I needed to grow up a little.
Matt is the perfect man. In fact, if he didn't have me weighing him down, he'd be whisked up into heaven. He's GORGEOUS, smart, HANDSOME, funny, SEXY, responsible, FIT, honest, and just plain better than the person I thought I was marrying. I had no idea what I was getting into when I married him. I knew he was awesome, but seriously, I had no idea.
So, what's the problem? There really isn't one except that we are two different people trying to share a life together. That's no different than any other marriage, I guess. As much as I know my husband, he still eludes me. Like:

How can someone who took orders from an ugly army officer for 6 years, not understand why his fairly good-looking wife is upset that he didn't put a diaper in the diaper bag like she asked him to?

How can someone who woke up at the slightest sound while patrolling in Iraq sleep through a screaming baby?

How can someone who has been through nearly four years of medical school not understand PMS?

How can someone who has worked 15-hour days not understand how tired I am at being a mom 24/7?

Still my husband is perfect.
He admits that these are things he needs to work on, and he tries. I'm just impatient that he doesn't do it already!
The big issue now is getting used to each other. My husband has been gone for most of the year doing externships for med school. I have missed him so much, and I have waited so long for him to come home, that now he's here, I don't know what to do with him. Do you ever feel like your spouse is in the way? Don't get me wrong, I LOVE having him home, but it's hard to get used to having someone around that has been gone for so long.
When he got back, the first thing he did was rearrange the bedroom to his liking. He has every right to do that, but now I can't find anything! So, I spend the whole day frustrated with him, wondering where my stuff is, texting him for the answer, and getting more frustrated that he can't text me back because he's in surgery! How dare he work hard every day for a secure future for his family, right? No, that is so not what I'm saying.
Isn't it true that we blame our spouses too much? That we take things out on them because we know we can? It's wrong, but it's in our nature. This is one reason why I'm doing this blog. So I have a place to vent besides my husband's face. Still, if I am going to have something in my way, I'm glad it's so pleasant to look at.

2 comments:

  1. Diana, you're hilarious! This is the kind f blog I want to make but don't have the guts. I'll share my thoughts here too. Yesterday was a boring day with the kids and Colin wasn't napping since he had a stuffy nose and I thought, "Man, when's Loren coming home?" Then when I heard that lovely sound of the doorknob turning I leaped for joy but it's not like I was able to sit down and relax. He immediately asked what was for dinner and I went on cooking. I feel like his Mom sometimes. "Mom, what's for dinner?" I'll relax and play while you get it al ready, ok? Aaaahhhh!!! I was venting to Jennie about motherhood and told her I want someone to seriously just tell me that this is how life is and I need to get used to it. I wonder if I work too hard, or if it's "normal" and I need to quit griping. Do you feel like that too? This old lady in R.S. once shared that her husband gave her a WHOLE saturday off a month to do whatever and he stayed home with the kids. She'd go shopping, get a pedicure, go out of town, whatever! Why aren't guys like that anymore????

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  2. I think your life has been so crazy the last year I don't know how you could feel "normal" right now.
    Give it some time, you'll get back into the swing of things. You'll get your own place soon and Matt will be on a better schedule. There are a lot of things about John that drive me up the wall, and I let him know about most of it...but I also try to remember that he is oblivious to most things that annoy me...at least I hope...I know there is no advice in this comment but if we were married, we would make a great couple...

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