Spending money

I get home from the grocery store so proud of myself because I had saved $12 by using coupons. I had carefully calculated and planned my trip to the store, accounting for every penny, every situation, and every potential problem. I bought a cart full of groceries for under $25.oo. We were low on cereal and milk, so I stocked up.
I got home and my husband says to me, "You spent money again!"
This coming from the man who tells me to buy the "good" cereal. To buy the "good" milk. If he knew how much time and planning and STRESS my trips to the grocery store give me, I don't think he'd treat me like I went on a spending spree with his credit card.
I have not bought myself a new article of clothing since...
I bought myself some nice lotion for my face not too long ago in order to prevent the chapping and breakouts I've been getting. You wouldn't believe the guilt trip I was given.
You also wouldn't believe the guilt trip I gave back!
My son has shot out of his clothes. He needs new pants and pjs and long-sleeved shirts. I bought him a few, from Wal-Mart, so they were extremely cheap. I hate buying clothes there. They don't last and they shrink and they are usually ugly. Still, they are better than nothing.
This dilemma of money spending, getting the best deal, getting your dollar's worth. I've been trying to master it, and I'm getting close. I'm not a huge fan of couponing, but I do it anyway. I don't like shopping at consignment stores and Wal-Mart, but I do it anyway. I don't like wearing clothes that don't fit me anymore, but I do it anyway. I don't even like shopping, but, out of necessity, I do it anyway.
My husband assures me that someday we won't have to be so careful. Being careful with money is so ingrained in me now, I don't think I'll ever be able to come out of it. I'll be one of those old ladies who wears shoes from D.I., reuses paper plates, and stashes sugar packets in my cupboards.
Someone give me ten bucks to use frivolously! Please, my future depends on it!

My Thoughtful Husband...

cleaned the oven for me after I spilled something in it and the smoke detectors went off and I burst into tears. In the process of cleaning it, he broke the igniter. My husband eventually fixed it.

Knowing I had a hard day, my husband told me he wanted to spend some time with me. I spent two hours watching him download things onto his XBox.

It's the thought that counts, right?

Actually, my husband is amazing. I have so many friends and family members who are having marital problems right now. Sadly, it's the husband's fault in every case. I'm not being biased, it really is! This has really caused me to ponder my own feelings for my husband. I am so blessed to have him. He loves me despite... me!

I know you can't blame marital problems on just one thing, but is it coincidence that most of these friends only knew their jerk of a husband for a short period before they were engaged?

Listen, I knew my husband for four years before we were engaged, and now that we've been married for five years, I still feel like I hardly know him, so maybe that isn't the reason, but maybe it really is.

We scoff at people who say they "knew" he/she was the "one" when they first set eyes on each other. Okay, I believe that can be true, I do, but I still think you should take the time to get to know the "one" before you marry the "one".

The first time I met my husband, I knew he wasn't the "one". He was way too cocky. It took four years for me to find out that he is actually the most humble person on the planet. His cockiness was actually self-confidence and his way of trying to better himself. He still thinks every one else is better than he is when in reality, no one holds a candle to him.

I digress...

Where do husbands get off thinking they can tell their wives who she can talk to? Where she can go? What she can watch on TV? What she can wear?

These abusive traits come on gradually. If you only know the guy for a few months before you marry him, then by the time the red flags start showing up, you are stuck.

Ladies, the second your husband tells you you can't hang out with your friends or family, or when he manipulates the situation so you can't go. THAT is a BIG red flag.

The second your husband calls you a B*!ch, slut, or any other degrading name, kick him out of the house!

The second your husband threatens to take your kids away, you pack them up and stay with someone you trust.

The second you find yourself confiding in someone about how badly your husband makes you feel about yourself, it's time to get him to go to therapy with you.

Once, I threatened to leave my husband because he hung up on me. By the time he got home, I had my bags packed and I was looking online for a flight to my parents' house. He felt horrible and begged me to stay. He did not tell me I was being stupid. He did not threaten to take our child away. He did not threaten to cut me off without a cent. He begged me to forgive him, and all he did was hang up on me.

Why was I so hard on him? Why was I willing to leave my husband because of that one instance of disrespect? Because I had been in an abusive relationship before, and I was not going to let disrespect be "okay."

My abusive relationship started with him giving me guilt trips. He would get mad at me for not spending enough time with him. He would make me feel guilty for hanging out with my family and friends when he loved me more than they did. He started telling me what to wear, then he started insulting the people I loved most, and then he started calling me names. The last straw was when he told me I couldn't hang out with my best friend anymore. I did finally get rid of him, but the damage was already done. It took a lot of therapy for me to feel worthwhile again, and, by golly, I was not going to let another person make me feel like that again!

I lucked out with my husband. The perfect man fell in love with me, and I didn't even have to trick him into it. I shudder to think how close I was to marrying the other guy. Boy, I dodged a BIG bullet! How come I got so lucky? Because I had a close friend who helped me through it.

Why are we so afraid to tell people when they are being abused? Why are we so afraid to step in and say, "Watch out for that one, he/she is showing signs of an abusive person." Is it because we think it's none of our business? After I dumped the stinker who was abusing me, so many people, who I thought liked him, told me they were so glad I got rid of him.
HELLO?!!
If you could see that he was treating me badly, why didn't you say something at the time? It would have saved me a lot of grief!
Stand up, people! Your friend may be mad at you. She may say you are interfering, meddling, that it's none of your business, but at least you can sleep at night knowing you tried. Maybe she'll step back and see what is going on. Maybe not.

It's nearly 1:00AM, and the fact that I wasn't a good enough friend to warn my friends about their husbands is literally keeping me up at night.

I'm gonna go give my hubby a hug.

Have you ever...?

Have you ever had to ask your husband where the toilet plunger is? You probably haven't because you know where it is in a jiffy for those times your hubby or child leaves a drippy surprise in the bathroom. Seeing as we had just moved into our house, I didn't know where it was.
NOT SOMETHING YOU WANT TO ASK YOUR HUSBAND

Mostly because I didn't want to get teased to death.

So, when I asked him, "Do you know where the toilet plunger is?" and he asked me, "why?" I wanted to rip his head off.
Trying to keep calm, I ask, "Do you KNOW where the toilet plunger is?"
He just looks at me, amused.

"FINE!! I'LL JUST LEAVE IT FOR YOU TO CLEAN UP!"

Then he gets all pouty that I snapped at him and gives me the silent treatment. All while I'm imagining the toilet suddenly overflowing and filling my new bathroom with... well you can imagine.

"WELL?!!"

He glares at me. "It's in the cleaning closet, I think."

I find the tool and get the deed done. My roommates didn't call me Diana Pooper Mixer for nothin'. Yeah, they called me that because I was the only one who knew how to unclog a toilet. Gross.

SO, what's worse than having to ask your husband where the toilet plunger is?
Having to apologize for the way you asked him.

Or maybe it's when he asks you, "Why was the toilet clogged?" and bugs you until you answer.

What do I Want to Whine about Today?

I realize I haven't posted in a while. I have been a little bit busy. We are moving into a new house, and I have come to find that we have a lot of stuff. No wonder my life feels so unorganized, it is! I'm so excited to use this new house as an opportunity to create some semblance of order. I have tried to implement a schedule for my boys, but that is nearly impossible when living with your parents and having a husband around all the time. Now that Matt has returned to work, and we'll be in our own place soon, I am really excited to get some routines going in our day. I guess this is how my mom felt when we were out of school for the Summer. I remember her saying how she couldn't wait for school to start again so we could get back on schedule.
What's so great about schedules? For one thing, they sure make things easier for kids. It gives them security when they know what to expect. Thus, it reduces tantrums and misbehavior. Schedules are very important to kids with autism who find comfort in the expected.
My husband has a nightly routine with Cory. First, Cory gets a bath or we wash hands and face, then brush teeth. Then Cory has to put his pajamas on all by himself. This is still a struggle for him, but he's getting faster! Then they play airplane, where Matt balances Cory on his hands and zooms him around. They play a series of other acrobatic games. Then Matt reads Cory three stories because he is three years old. Then they say prayers, he gives Cory a drink of water and tucks him in.
This routine has been a lifesaver, so it's hard when Matt is working late and I have to put him to bed. I don't, for example, do "airplane" correctly.

The Baby Whisperer, and I'm sorry I don't have an exact reference, says that routines are practice for life. If you want your child to behave at a restaurant, then you need to establish a mealtime routine that you can mimic at a restaurant. If you don't want your child playing around at a restaurant, then don't let them play around during mealtimes at home. Meals are a struggle at our house. I know my kids get hungry before we do and dinner just isn't ready yet. I'm looking forward to having my own house where I'm in control of when we have dinner. I know I've talked about this before, but it's something that is really important, and I'm excited to blog about our progress in the future!

Budget Trucks

I warned them...
We rented a Budget truck to move our stuff from one end of this continent to the other. Okay, so, it wasn't that far, but for how long it took us, it should've been!
We get the truck, and I nearly puke all over it. It was filthy! It stunk! I wanted to bathe in sanitizer after getting in that thing!
We get the truck loaded up, we get going on the freeway, we hit a small bump in the road, we nearly tip over. I'm thinking, "WHAT THE &*!!, we're gonna DIE!!" My husband, the CDL driver who kept all the soldier supplies safe during all those attacked convoys in Iraq can handle a moving truck, right? Right. So, why the heck did we almost tip over? Because the truck was rocking, not rockin' as in old-school '80s hairband rockin, but like we're gonna flip over.
The truck wasn't particularly heavy. We had sold most our furniture. We had a heavy piano, and a lot of boxes, and a mattress. THAT IS ALL! Why is the van teetering like this? My husband, the ever careful packer, made sure that the truck would be perfectly balanced. Why, despite his meticulous efforts, did we feel like we were on the ocean rather than the interstate?
Because Budget SUCKS!
Okay, so you don't judge me for using such harsh language, let me continue. It wasn't long after we had called customer service 3 times just to be put on hold and disconnected that a tire blew. We called roadside assistance which told us they would have help there in an hour. Three hours later, we had a new tire and we were "on the road again", to coin the lyric. By this time, it was really late at night, and the stress had taken its toll on us. We pulled over and passed out in the truck. After our extremely uncomfortable "sleep" we started driving again. This time it was about six hours before the brand-spankin'-new tire blew. If my husband hadn't been driving, we would have been dead for sure.
Thank heaven for RedBox. Two movies and a wilderness urination later, we were "on the road again." What would normally take us 16 hours to drive, took us 30!! Thanks a lot Budget.
After turning in the truck, we immediately called customer service to make them aware of our discontent with our rented truck. Which kept rocking even when it was empty!
My sweet husband gets on the line with a woman who is less than sympathetic of our situation. "I only have record of one blown tire," she says with disdain. SO! ONE blown tire is scary enough! We weren't asking for a refund, but maybe some compensation. She said she could give us %15. Um, seriously? 15? That is practically insulting! So, the woman gives my husband serious attitude when he politely says that isn't good enough. He was talking to a lady, so he was being extra polite. Well, she continued to give him grief but says 25% is the best she can do. She puts him on hold, and he tells me what has been going on.
My turn. I get on the phone, and when the lady gets back on I say, "I want to talk to your manager."
"I don't have a manager," she says in a really snotty tone.
"Then let me talk to your superior."
"It doesn't matter who you talk to, you're not gonna get more than 25% back."
"I don't care! You were being a jerk to my husband, and I want to report you!!"
"Fine." I get put on hold for a long time, and finally, a very pleasant-sounding lady gets on the phone.
"How may I help you?"
"I was just talking to one of your customer service reps..."
"Yes, Robert."
"No, it was a woman."
"No, that was Robert." I was floored! I could've sworn I was talking to a woman!
"So, he's got a femmy voice, and he's a jerk?" I ask.
She laughs and says, "Yeah. I'm so sorry he was impolite to you..." blah, blah, blah.
Yeah, so we can't get more than %25 back, whatever. Their customer service blows. I'm telling all of you DO NOT ever use Budget trucks!

Bed Bed Bed...

I have a very difficult time going to bed at night. It's not that I don't want to, it's just that I relish in the quiet and peaceful solace that nighttime provides. My kids are in bed by 8:00 every night. I am a firm believer in strict bedtimes. I have been ever since I read On Becoming Babywise. Once I got my baby Cory going to bed at a regular time, his schedule kind of fell into place. What I didn't like was waking up my baby. Honestly, it was more of a struggle to try to wake him up and keep this cranky baby awake for a half hour rather than just let him sleep for that half hour and let him wake up happy. This holds true for me today. My kids get about 12 hours of sleep a night. They wake up between 8:00-8:30 and they are happy!
My problem is that once they are asleep in bed I finally get my time, and I want it to last as long as possible. I stay up late, very late! This isn't good because I wake up at 6:30 every morning to go running. I'm exhausted all day, but when nighttime comes and the boys are sleeping, I'm wide awake. Why is that?
Last night, I got into bed without washing my face, brushing my teeth, I even still had my bra on. It was 10:00 and I wanted to read my book. Next thing I know, it's 2:00AM and my mouth tasted like bum. I got up, brushed my teeth, did my business, and went back to bed.
My run this morning went better than expected.
I need a bedtime.

Ticking Time Bomb

Like I said in my first post, I don't want this blog to be about me ranting and complaining and whining, and I'm determined it won't be despite some of my past posts. I was hoping to do some reading on parenting and marital relationships to find out some things to experiment on, but, lets face it, I am way too stressed out right now. I don't handle stress well, either. I usually withdraw from the situation and let things--laundry in this case-- pile up around me.
My whole house is one giant ball of pent up frustration just waiting to explode. My sister is getting married in a month, my husband is graduating next week, we need to move all our stuff out of our old place and drive it cross country and put it in storage here until our house is done, we are building a house, one of my best friends is going through a horrible crisis and I'm dying that I can't be there with her. Plus, I live with my mom. Living with your mom when she is trying to plan a wedding is like living with a hydrogen bomb. I worry so much that any little mistake I make will be more than she can handle and she'll just explode and take us all down with her.
Here I am going through my own anxiety while watching my mother go through hers, watching my sister try to plan her wedding, and my husband trying to wrap up school. It's amazing we haven't killed each other yet.
I have to admit I have considered seeing a doctor. I really don't think my heart should be pounding this much and having trouble breathing is pretty serious. I am so tense I think my neck will snap off if my stomach doesn't burn me from the inside out. I'm going to Google "anxiety attacks" and see what the almighty internet has to say...
Yep, that sounds about right. Can anyone score me some Valium?

Eerie

At a family party earlier today, my aunt whipped out a photo that she wanted me to see. She said she had found it the day before in some old boxes and considered it an early Mother's Day gift. It was a photo of her son who had been deceased since before I was born. Our family rarely speaks of the death of my cousin because it was so tragic. He was only two years old and the circumstances surrounding his death were so sad that, out of respect to my family, I won't talk about them. You can imagine, then, why I was so surprised that she would hand me a photo of him. Particularly because I had never seen a photograph of him before.
I looked at the old photo that was taken sometime in the late seventies and nearly lost my balance. My breath was literally taken away. There in that old, faded photo was my son Kevin's face. Seriously, the likeness was unmistakable. The eyes, the hair, the same mischevious smile, if Kevin were blond, I would swear it was him in the photo.
It shook me up, to say the least. I have been weirded out by it all day. I can't get the photo out of my head. If we were living in some Hollywood drama, I would think this was some eerie omen or devastating foreshadow of things to come. Thankfully, "I'm not a superstitious person, I'm just a little 'stitious."
Honestly, I couldn't wait to rush home to my baby boy and hold him. I didn't let him out of my sight all day. I told my dad what had happened, and he told me that he saw the resemblance before but didn't want to say anything. I think sometimes we are given these wake-up calls so we remember how wonderful our lives really are.
On this day, Mother's Day, hug your kids a little tighter, cherish their presence a little more, be a bit more patient, and tell them how much you love them. It's because of them that you are a mother, and you never know how quickly they can be taken from you.

Regular work day...

I know I shouldn't see motherhood as a regular job like the ones I had before I became a mom. The last "real" job I had was working as a secretary while I was in college. I was an assistant to the secretary in the college of Food Sciences. I hated this job. It felt like a job the secretary made up so she wouldn't have to do any work. Really, all she did all day was try to figure out the new budgeting program, which I could've showed her how to work in about five minutes. Still, it kept her busy, which meant she couldn't boss me around as much. What I did was type-- yes on a typewriter-- new labels for ALL the files in the whole office. It took a really long time. I did other things too, mostly organizational things and run errands. One time my boss mailed out letters to the wrong people and she blamed it on me. That was the day I realized my job was to take the blame for all the mistakes my boss made.
I LOVE my job now. I really do. Still, there are days that I catch myself clock watching. As if my job were going to end and I was going to be able to leave. As if. No, I watch the clock for the time when my husband gets home. Pathetic? Maybe.
It's not like my responsibilities end when he walks in the door, but there is the hope that they will be lightened a little. Maybe he'll take the kids outside to play while I get dinner ready, so they aren't pulling on my legs wanting my attention.

Yes, I try to get them to make dinner with me. Cory loves to, but Kevin would rather me hold him while I do everything. Ouch.
Even now Kevin is pulling on my arm hindering my typing.

So often my husband gets home and plops down and says, "Can I just sit for a minute?"
"Sure," I reply feeling a little guilty that he has had a long, hard day and here I am asking him to distract the kids while I get his dinner ready. Then I think, "Wait! Can't I just sit for a minute?!" I start to get a little resentful. Is that horrible of me? I don't think so. I think it's natural to feel that way, but I try not to let the resentment fester, so I either yell at him or let it go. :)
So, husbands, not that any are reading this, maybe let your wife "hang around the water cooler" a little longer this Mother's Day.

Building my endurance... again.

I built up my endurance so that I was running 3 miles a day. It was a slow 3 miles, but I did it! Of course, some big, giant needle came a long and burst my massive bubble. Yes, my bubble was massive because I was so proud of myself. This big needle gave me a cold, a virus that attacked my lungs. Asthma attacks followed.
Now that I'm feeling better, I can barely run 1 mile before I'm exhausted.
Not wanting to spend the next 3 months trying to build up to running 3 miles a day again, I did some research on building endurance. While the following article isn't the most helpful one I found, it is the most entertaining.

http://www.essortment.com/all/buildingenduran_rjxs.htm


"Check with your doctor before you begin your exercise program.


I think we all know the benefits of building endurance but how is it developed? What is more important, how is it developed without hurting our selves? Well now that’s the question isn’t it? The following are just a few suggestions with a few words of caution added in for good measure.



For starters, this article is not written with the professional athlete in mind but for the more sedate. Although the exercises that will be described herein will certainly be of benefit to anyone.


Step one to improving your endurance is to stand up, walk to the television set and hit the off button. If the television doesn’t go off, you may have to apply just a little more force to the button. When they haven’t been turned off in a while they have a tendency to stick.


The next step is walk over to the icebox and put that half a can of beer back in. Don’t worry; you’ll be back before it has a chance to go flat. There is no sense in wasting a good beer, especially if it’s Guiness Stout or New Castle. On second thought, if you have more I’ll come over and work out with you.


Let’s head outside, and remember to take your watch. First we are going to do some light stretches. We won’t be doing many stretches just enough to loosen up so nothing is pulled that we might want to use later.


To begin reach over, touch your toes and hold your position for thirty seconds. Straighten up and arch your back to relieve the strain. Do this a couple of times but after the first grab your ankles and apply a gentle pull to try and get a little lower. You should be uncomfortable but not in any real pain. If you catch a cramp, come up about six inches and then slowly work your way back down. Done yet? Not in the least.


Now spread your feet six inches and do it again, then attempt to touch each leg with your chest. Remember to go slow and steady, don’t rush or jerk as this tightens the muscles and increases the chances of injury. Continue to work your feet out six inches at a time until you’ve gone down so far and your feet are so wide that you can’t straighten up with out pulling your feet in. It is important that you rotate your feet up on your heels with your toes pointed to the sky as you do this stretch. By rotating the feet up, you will relieve the stress placed upon the knees and other joints. Once your feet are pointing upwards, allow yourself to go down as far as you can.


Sit down and leave your feet spread, if you have pets in the yard you may want to first look where you’re about to sit. Pull your chest as close to the ground as possible then to the legs. Try to hold each stretch for thirty to sixty seconds. You will want to continue to increase the spread of your feet you can’t spread them anymore. Each time you move your feet they should open approximately six inches at a time.


When you have finished this, cross one leg over the other and grasp the crossed foot and rotate it ten times one way and then ten the other slowly. Switch ankles and repeat. Stand up, bend over and place your hands on your knees move your knees ten times one way and ten times the other in circles. It’s important that you stretch everyday whether you work out or not. This will help you to throw off the effects of the exercise a lot faster.


Walk to the road look both ways, pick a direction and start walking. The objective is to walk three miles in as close to forty-five minutes as possible. It sounds easy, right? Not very, at least not at first but it does get easier the more you do it. After doing this every other day for a couple of weeks move up to five-pound ankle weights. After six weeks, cut the time to thirty minutes and inject some running into it. The key is to go slow, allow the body to acclimate itself to the increased activity. It’s not that you can’t start the running right away, you can force the body to do incredible feats but you will be defeating the purpose if you injure yourself in the process. Plus the likelihood of your continuing after the injury is healed isn’t very good.


Once you are back home, do some katas or calisthenics for about fifteen minuets. Toe touches, deep knee bends, sit-ups, and pushups are all good but remember to do some light stretches to cool down. If you need more ideas buy a book, you’ll need something to read while you sit in your hot bath of Epsom salt. By the way you may want to invest in stock in this product for the first week or two. An important point, plan out what exercises you are going to do before it’s time to perform them so you don’t have to pause while your heart rate go down. As the time that you spend walking or running decreases increase the length of time you spend doing calisthenics by increasing the number of reps you do. You may try doing them to music or have a partner do them with you so the time doesn’t seem to be so boring. Music and partners have both been proven to increase the chances of a sedate person keeping with an exercise program.


If you get tired of walking or running, break out that bike and go for a ride. Please use the appropriate safety equipment. By the way it’s cheating if the bike has a motor on it although it is legal to ride a stationary bike inside while you watch television. Do make it a challenge so increase the tension so your heart rate will rise. Even with the stationary bikes, don’t forget to do your stretches.


Another great cardio vascular work out option for martial artists is kata. Do every one that you know ten times as fast as you can while still maintaining your form. If you don’t know that many

(a.) Do the one you do know more than ten times, working up to one hundred in one session.

(b.) Go to class or buy a kata book and learn additional katas.


While doing a kata, try performing them to fast tempo music. The style of music is a personal preference but it not only makes the time working on kata go smoother but your body’s motions as well.


Do you remember earlier in the article it said something about every other day? Did you really think you were going to get a day of rest in-between? Hardly, now we get into resistance training. I’m not going to cover much on this, as there are too many books and information out there in the stores and on the web to have to describe a bunch of exercises. Remember we are not trying to bulk up here, although there’s nothing wrong with doing that. Instead we are trying to build endurance so start out with light weights and do a lot of reaps. After you have built up your body some, start to increase either the weight or the number of times you do your routine. Don’t forget to use a spotter in case you become overwhelmed, work carefully and try to increase your work out at least every other week.


The key to improving your endurance is going to be you actually getting up, setting a time aside for you to work out and doing it. Don’t feel guilty about the time you spend doing this, as you are not taking it away from your family.


You’re doing it for them. You will be in better shape while increasing your stamina and your chances of remaining in excellent health.


By doing this you will be able to do more with and FOR them.


An additional benefit is that you’ll be in a better frame of mind. Regular exercise is an excellent way to relieve stress.


If for some reason you do feel guilty about your exercise time, make it a family affair. Get them up, make them join you and improve the health and mental well being of the entire family. Regardless, enjoy your workouts because you deserve them."