Why do I try?

Right now I'm listening to the soundtrack of Twilight. Maybe it will inspire me to be a best selling author.

Not likely.

I promised my son I would take him to Chuck-E-Cheese if he pooped in the potty. After about two months of waking up to him asking me if we were going to Chuck-E-Cheese that day and still changing his poopy diapers, we finally got to go!

We were in Ikea looking at some lovely home furnishings when I notice my son being very quiet, eyes watering, and redfaced. I asked him if he was pooping and he said, "Mommy, look at something else."

I told him that if he held his poops inside his bum until we got to a bathroom, and he pooped in the potty, we would go to C-E-C for dinner. He said okay and grabbed his bum. So, we ran around the store until I found a restroom and he did it! I was so proud of him! After he told his daddy and his gramma on the phone, we made our way to C-E-C. I was already exhausted and had a headache, so I wasn't too excited to go, but I had to keep my promise. After a few hours of popping tokens into machines, I smelled something awful.

Cory pooped his pants.

Why do I even try?

Going a little bit Psycho...

When that unfortunate time of the month comes around, watch out! I get hungry, bloated, paranoid, and mean! I literally can't stop eating because if I do, I get a headache, and if I get a headache, I'm even more irritable! My poor husband puts up with it, but he gets tired of me snapping at him. Like today, I'm so bloated everything I eat makes me run to the bathroom. So, I have one of my emergencies, and I don't have time to lock the door (TMI, I know). I'm in the bathroom and I hear the doorknob turning, and I yell, "DON'T YOU DARE COME IN HERE!!" In my meanest voice. Matt yells back, "You don't have to be so mean about it." OH yes I DO! Seriously, if it's not Kevin crying at the door, it's Cory banging on the door, or it's Matt asking me what I'm doing. I can't get two minutes to myself!?! No.
So, I have to go a little bit crazy in order for my husband to realize that I need some time alone. That all the screaming rings in my head until I'm ready to lose it. I have to make him fear for his life and the lives of our children before I get some alone time. I have the crazy look down. Seriously. I can't use it very often or he might catch on, but when I do use it, I finally get a few minutes in the bathroom to myself.

Why IS it so HARD?!

In the spirit of a recent post by my friend Jennie, I ask the same question: why is it so hard to lose weight? I have been trying for months now to lose some poundage ever since I moved back home from med school. Once we were settled, and Cory was doing well in school, I figured it was time to take care of myself again. So, I enrolled in boot camp. After two sessions, I was down almost two pant sizes and in the best shape I've been in since having kids.
Well, my knees rebelled on me, and I had a hard time running anymore, and then the holidays came. Bleh. So, my New Year's resolution to get back on track hit, and so did Kevin's terrible twos. No longer wanting to go the child care at the gym, what was I to do? So, on to my parent's rickety old treadmill with a broken console and so loud you can't even hear your iPod through the head phones. Well, I've been doing it. Trying to diet as well, which is really hard living in my mom's house surrounded by all her yummy food. I've lost only 10 pounds since the new year, and that's only if I weigh myself first thing in the morning. Bleh. Three months and 10 pounds?! Not cool. My clothes still fit me which makes me so discouraged. All around me, my friends are shrinking. I have one friend who recently lost 115 pounds! She looks awesome! My sis-in-law just got the best time for a woman in the 5K she ran, and she looks amazing. I have several others who are sharing their weightloss triumphs with me. I'm so jealous. So, what's wrong with me? I'm hungry all the time, running/walking three miles a day and lifting weights killing myself like I did in bootcamp. My mom says that I've grown into my "womanly physic". Whatever. Please tell me I'm not doomed to look like this for the rest of my life?!!

My Marriage: The Quest for Understanding

I don't understand my husband, and he doesn't understand me. My husband is 41/2 years older than I am and many more years more mature. In fact, his first impression of me was that I was really immature. I guess that's why it took him 3 years before he asked me out. I needed to grow up a little.
Matt is the perfect man. In fact, if he didn't have me weighing him down, he'd be whisked up into heaven. He's GORGEOUS, smart, HANDSOME, funny, SEXY, responsible, FIT, honest, and just plain better than the person I thought I was marrying. I had no idea what I was getting into when I married him. I knew he was awesome, but seriously, I had no idea.
So, what's the problem? There really isn't one except that we are two different people trying to share a life together. That's no different than any other marriage, I guess. As much as I know my husband, he still eludes me. Like:

How can someone who took orders from an ugly army officer for 6 years, not understand why his fairly good-looking wife is upset that he didn't put a diaper in the diaper bag like she asked him to?

How can someone who woke up at the slightest sound while patrolling in Iraq sleep through a screaming baby?

How can someone who has been through nearly four years of medical school not understand PMS?

How can someone who has worked 15-hour days not understand how tired I am at being a mom 24/7?

Still my husband is perfect.
He admits that these are things he needs to work on, and he tries. I'm just impatient that he doesn't do it already!
The big issue now is getting used to each other. My husband has been gone for most of the year doing externships for med school. I have missed him so much, and I have waited so long for him to come home, that now he's here, I don't know what to do with him. Do you ever feel like your spouse is in the way? Don't get me wrong, I LOVE having him home, but it's hard to get used to having someone around that has been gone for so long.
When he got back, the first thing he did was rearrange the bedroom to his liking. He has every right to do that, but now I can't find anything! So, I spend the whole day frustrated with him, wondering where my stuff is, texting him for the answer, and getting more frustrated that he can't text me back because he's in surgery! How dare he work hard every day for a secure future for his family, right? No, that is so not what I'm saying.
Isn't it true that we blame our spouses too much? That we take things out on them because we know we can? It's wrong, but it's in our nature. This is one reason why I'm doing this blog. So I have a place to vent besides my husband's face. Still, if I am going to have something in my way, I'm glad it's so pleasant to look at.