I was wandering around the house picking up things and returning them to their proper place, gathering up laundry, and generally just tidying things up when I realized my son was following me around.
"What are you doing, Cory?" I asked.
"I'm your shadow. What are you doing, Mommy?" How cute, right?
"I'm cleaning up our messy house."
"Can't you make time?" He asked.
"Make time for what?"
"Make time for me!"
Oh geez, the GUILT! I have to admit, I sometimes get too wrapped up in what I'm doing and find that I have unintentionally ignored my kids. I'm very sensitive about this because it's a characteristic of mine that I'm ashamed of and trying to overcome. So, how do I overcome this?
I don't know.
Honestly, since that day, my shadow has become more apparent. Now my son insists he be in the same room with me at all times. In fact, he has to be holding my arm, hand, or sitting in my lap.
Isn't it terrible to be so loved?!
Sometimes... YES!
It really wears on me. I thought it might help if I spent at least 10 minutes per hour playing with him. It's the longest ten minutes ever, and he gets annoyed when his brother tries to join in. I admit I'm not very creative when it comes to playing dinosaurs and cars, so I find myself going a little nuts. He likes doing crafts, so we do one of those every day.
Anyway, I have to say, this attachment thing is getting really crazy. He's four years old, so I would think he wouldn't want anything to do with me. What do you do when your child freaks out if you use the bathroom? Follows you around so much you trip over him? Throws a tantrum when you leave him with his dad?
I left to get my hair done, and when I returned, there was my son on the driveway crying and shouting, "You were supposed to play with me!"
Oh, the GUILT!
Thursday, March 18, 2010
Friday, January 22, 2010
Potty Training Woes
It has been two weeks. TWO WHOLE WEEKS devoted to nothing but potty training my two boys! I was tired, frustrated, annoyed, disgusted, and throwing my hands in the air!
In venting my frustrations, a friend offered me a book about potty training your child in one day.
Yeah Right.
Well, I thought it might have some good advice anyway, and I was right.
Yesterday morning, I woke up bright and early, telling myself I would not lose my temper at all that day, that I would devote my whole day to my kids. I would neglect my duties as a wife and homemaker, to be 100% devoted to potty training.
I decorated the bathroom with balloons and streamers. I made special charts with a picture of Chuck-E-Cheese on them. I made a "Super Hero Drink" (1/3 apple juice, 1/3 water, 1/3 sparkling cider), dressed them in their super hero pajama tops (no pants today), and we had a party.
It did not go well the first couple of hours.
Even though the kids were excited about the party and the new charts (I have tried charts before), they still had a lot of accidents.
I set the timer on my stove for 30 minutes, and took them without fail every 30 minutes. Unfortunately, I learned the hard way that 30 minutes was too long a time between visits. I was especially discouraged when they both pooped in their underwear in the first hour. I was ready to just give up for the day because my boys normally only poop once a day--but at very unpredictable times.
I decided to stay at it, however, because of the "Super Hero Drink". I don't usually let my boys drink much juice because 1-Cory used to be addicted to juice and that was all I could get him to drink AND eat, and 2- too much gives them diarrhea.
The second reason is why I decided to stick to it.
I knew I was taking a risk dressing them only in underwear, knowing that they could be having bouts of diarrhea all day, but if this was the only to teach them to poop in the potty, I was going to do it.
After a couple of hours of taking them every 30 minutes, and cleaning up too many accidents, I started setting the timer for every 10 minutes.
At about 3:00 in the afternoon, I was ready to sit in the puddle of their poop and cry myself to death.
My four-year-old called to me while I was helping my two-year-old, and said, "Mommy, there's poop running down my legs!"
I ran to see what had happened, and immediately wished I hadn't. It was all I could do not to reach my swearing quota for my lifetime. There was a giant puddle of poop underneath him, and a lovely little trail all the down the hall and down the stairs.
After wiping him down, I put them both in the tub to play for a while. Meanwhile, I managed to clean up the poop and run some laundry and get some dinner in the oven. After the bath, I got them back in their underwear and attempted to get them on the potty again. It was while I had my two year old on the potty that I saw my four year old grab his stomach in panic.
I immediately lifted him off the ground and ran to the other bathroom, where he pooped in the potty, not once, but four times!!!
WAHOO!!!
I made such a big deal about it, we called Daddy at work, we called Grandma, we had a parade, he got TWO stickers on his chart, and he was so proud of himself.
The boys stayed dry for the rest of the evening until bedtime when I tucked them in with pull-ups on.
I stayed up until 2AM finishing the laundry, cleaning the floors, and prepping for the next day.
Today, all I have to say is:
I am reading this entry at their weddings. They owe me BIG time for this.
I haven't showered in three days, I am running on little sleep, the fumes from all the cleaners have given me a headache, my back is killing me from carrying unwilling boys to the bathroom, and my hands are raw from all the washing.
No one is motivated anymore, but I keep setting that timer, handing out praise, swallowing my rage, giving out stickers, and hoping for the day I don't have to do this anymore.
Thank goodness it's the weekend. Now the husband gets to get in on the "party". Bwa ha ha ha.
In venting my frustrations, a friend offered me a book about potty training your child in one day.
Yeah Right.
Well, I thought it might have some good advice anyway, and I was right.
Yesterday morning, I woke up bright and early, telling myself I would not lose my temper at all that day, that I would devote my whole day to my kids. I would neglect my duties as a wife and homemaker, to be 100% devoted to potty training.
I decorated the bathroom with balloons and streamers. I made special charts with a picture of Chuck-E-Cheese on them. I made a "Super Hero Drink" (1/3 apple juice, 1/3 water, 1/3 sparkling cider), dressed them in their super hero pajama tops (no pants today), and we had a party.
It did not go well the first couple of hours.
Even though the kids were excited about the party and the new charts (I have tried charts before), they still had a lot of accidents.
I set the timer on my stove for 30 minutes, and took them without fail every 30 minutes. Unfortunately, I learned the hard way that 30 minutes was too long a time between visits. I was especially discouraged when they both pooped in their underwear in the first hour. I was ready to just give up for the day because my boys normally only poop once a day--but at very unpredictable times.
I decided to stay at it, however, because of the "Super Hero Drink". I don't usually let my boys drink much juice because 1-Cory used to be addicted to juice and that was all I could get him to drink AND eat, and 2- too much gives them diarrhea.
The second reason is why I decided to stick to it.
I knew I was taking a risk dressing them only in underwear, knowing that they could be having bouts of diarrhea all day, but if this was the only to teach them to poop in the potty, I was going to do it.
After a couple of hours of taking them every 30 minutes, and cleaning up too many accidents, I started setting the timer for every 10 minutes.
At about 3:00 in the afternoon, I was ready to sit in the puddle of their poop and cry myself to death.
My four-year-old called to me while I was helping my two-year-old, and said, "Mommy, there's poop running down my legs!"
I ran to see what had happened, and immediately wished I hadn't. It was all I could do not to reach my swearing quota for my lifetime. There was a giant puddle of poop underneath him, and a lovely little trail all the down the hall and down the stairs.
After wiping him down, I put them both in the tub to play for a while. Meanwhile, I managed to clean up the poop and run some laundry and get some dinner in the oven. After the bath, I got them back in their underwear and attempted to get them on the potty again. It was while I had my two year old on the potty that I saw my four year old grab his stomach in panic.
I immediately lifted him off the ground and ran to the other bathroom, where he pooped in the potty, not once, but four times!!!
WAHOO!!!
I made such a big deal about it, we called Daddy at work, we called Grandma, we had a parade, he got TWO stickers on his chart, and he was so proud of himself.
The boys stayed dry for the rest of the evening until bedtime when I tucked them in with pull-ups on.
I stayed up until 2AM finishing the laundry, cleaning the floors, and prepping for the next day.
Today, all I have to say is:
I am reading this entry at their weddings. They owe me BIG time for this.
I haven't showered in three days, I am running on little sleep, the fumes from all the cleaners have given me a headache, my back is killing me from carrying unwilling boys to the bathroom, and my hands are raw from all the washing.
No one is motivated anymore, but I keep setting that timer, handing out praise, swallowing my rage, giving out stickers, and hoping for the day I don't have to do this anymore.
Thank goodness it's the weekend. Now the husband gets to get in on the "party". Bwa ha ha ha.
Tuesday, November 10, 2009
Just to Lie there
I have a problem with falling asleep. I do. Who, me?! Yes, I have no trouble staying asleep, it's the actual process of falling asleep that gets me frustrated. I used to be able to sleep sitting up in my desk in junior high or on my arm in Psychology. I could be drooling in two seconds on an airplane or car ride. Now, I have too much going on in my head to sleep. I have to check on my kids at least twice before I feel it's safe to fall asleep. I also have to have the next day planned out in my head or written down before I can fall asleep. I have to have a lunch made for Matt, the kitchen clean, dishwasher running, washed my face, brushed my teeth, peed, read my scriptures, prayed, and set my alarm before I can fall asleep. Lately, I have had to make sure I'm wearing my robe for protection, so Cory won't climb in bed with me during the night and wiggle his cold feet up under my shirt to warm them on my back. I also have to put lotion on, yuck. Not to mention the pillows being situated perfectly so my head, neck, back, and knees are supported.
No, it is not easy to fall asleep. My mind seems to go wild while I lie there. I used to get so frustrated! My doctor gave me a muscle relaxer to help me fall asleep because I am too agitated to do it on my own. Which was just one more thing I had to do before falling asleep.
Then, one night, a thought came to me. Call it the voice of God, the Spirit, or whatever, but it was not my own thinking. This thought said to me, "Just be content to lie there and relax."
It worked! I don't have to take my medication anymore because I just lie down and relish in the fact that I can. I can just lie there. I just focus on the PRIVILEGE of being horizontal in the most comfortable position in the most comfortable bed.
Ahhhhhh.
No, it is not easy to fall asleep. My mind seems to go wild while I lie there. I used to get so frustrated! My doctor gave me a muscle relaxer to help me fall asleep because I am too agitated to do it on my own. Which was just one more thing I had to do before falling asleep.
Then, one night, a thought came to me. Call it the voice of God, the Spirit, or whatever, but it was not my own thinking. This thought said to me, "Just be content to lie there and relax."
It worked! I don't have to take my medication anymore because I just lie down and relish in the fact that I can. I can just lie there. I just focus on the PRIVILEGE of being horizontal in the most comfortable position in the most comfortable bed.
Ahhhhhh.
Silence
Does anyone else get agitated by noise? I have to admit that I get testy when I hear unnecessary noise. Nothing gets me like whistling, and no, it's not because I can't do it! My husband likes to whistle, and it annoys me like crazy. I know he does it on purpose just so I'll say, "Matt! Stop it!" and then he'll innocently look at me like I've hurt his feelings.
Tapping, and drumming, and "beat boxing" (I don't know how to spell that at all), are all unnecessary noise. Even singing bugs me.
One time in junior high after musical practice, I was waiting for a ride home, when one of the other girls in the cast walked up to me and started singing to me right in my face. Not only was she invading my personal space, but she wouldn't shut up. To this day, I HATE that song she was singing. No, I'm not going to tell you what it was because I know that one of you will start singing it around me just to see my reaction. Naughty, naughty.
Why, you may ask, does a music-lover like myself not like these things? Let me tell you, it's the way they are "performed". Whistling is too shrill, "beat-boxing" and drumming is too repetitive and it goes no where. It's like singing Mary Had a Little Lamb and leaving out the last word.
For example:
"Mary had a little lamb, little lamb, little lamb. Mary had a little lamb her fleece was white as"
Doesn't it just drive you crazy that the last word wasn't said?!!
I studied music in college, but I would never profess to be a professional, or someone of any merit who could critic a singer, but there are some voices that rub me the wrong way.
James Taylor, for example, his voice sounds so nasal, I think he needs some kind of decongestant. I know Matt listens to him just because it bugs me.
Britney Spears sounds like she is going to choke to death on her own vocal chords.
John Mayer sounds like an evil rapist.
Now, I don't want you thinking that if you get up, say in Sacrament Meeting, and I am in the congregation, and you sing a solo, that I will be thinking, "He/She didn't support that note enough", or "He/She definitely should NOT be up there," or "I could do better", or "OHMGOSH make it STOP I am IN PAIN!"
No! I am NOT thinking any of those things at all. In fact, I know that is what people are thinking when I get up to sing.
Actually, I am sitting in that congregation green with envy that you have the courage to get up in front of all those people and sing.
When I say that unnecessary noise annoys me, I am saying that there is a time and a place for noise.
While I am trying to get dinner on the table and having a discussion with my husband and my kids are beating each other up, is not the time for unnecessary noise.
Thus the reason I freaked out at my family at dinner tonight.
Kevin started this really annoying scream, Cory was growling at him, Matt had the news on TV, and he was telling me about his day all while I was trying to sneak salad dressing into the salad before Cory could see.
You know that old saying, "Her blood started to boil".
That's exactly how I felt. I could feel the steam rising from my head. I yelled, "Quiet! I NEED QUIET!"
Is that too much to ask?
8:00PM-midnight is happy time for my ears. The kids are in bed, Matt is studying, and there is no unnecessary noise. Ahhh. Do you see why I am reluctant to go to bed?
Tapping, and drumming, and "beat boxing" (I don't know how to spell that at all), are all unnecessary noise. Even singing bugs me.
One time in junior high after musical practice, I was waiting for a ride home, when one of the other girls in the cast walked up to me and started singing to me right in my face. Not only was she invading my personal space, but she wouldn't shut up. To this day, I HATE that song she was singing. No, I'm not going to tell you what it was because I know that one of you will start singing it around me just to see my reaction. Naughty, naughty.
Why, you may ask, does a music-lover like myself not like these things? Let me tell you, it's the way they are "performed". Whistling is too shrill, "beat-boxing" and drumming is too repetitive and it goes no where. It's like singing Mary Had a Little Lamb and leaving out the last word.
For example:
"Mary had a little lamb, little lamb, little lamb. Mary had a little lamb her fleece was white as"
Doesn't it just drive you crazy that the last word wasn't said?!!
I studied music in college, but I would never profess to be a professional, or someone of any merit who could critic a singer, but there are some voices that rub me the wrong way.
James Taylor, for example, his voice sounds so nasal, I think he needs some kind of decongestant. I know Matt listens to him just because it bugs me.
Britney Spears sounds like she is going to choke to death on her own vocal chords.
John Mayer sounds like an evil rapist.
Now, I don't want you thinking that if you get up, say in Sacrament Meeting, and I am in the congregation, and you sing a solo, that I will be thinking, "He/She didn't support that note enough", or "He/She definitely should NOT be up there," or "I could do better", or "OHMGOSH make it STOP I am IN PAIN!"
No! I am NOT thinking any of those things at all. In fact, I know that is what people are thinking when I get up to sing.
Actually, I am sitting in that congregation green with envy that you have the courage to get up in front of all those people and sing.
When I say that unnecessary noise annoys me, I am saying that there is a time and a place for noise.
While I am trying to get dinner on the table and having a discussion with my husband and my kids are beating each other up, is not the time for unnecessary noise.
Thus the reason I freaked out at my family at dinner tonight.
Kevin started this really annoying scream, Cory was growling at him, Matt had the news on TV, and he was telling me about his day all while I was trying to sneak salad dressing into the salad before Cory could see.
You know that old saying, "Her blood started to boil".
That's exactly how I felt. I could feel the steam rising from my head. I yelled, "Quiet! I NEED QUIET!"
Is that too much to ask?
8:00PM-midnight is happy time for my ears. The kids are in bed, Matt is studying, and there is no unnecessary noise. Ahhh. Do you see why I am reluctant to go to bed?
Tuesday, October 20, 2009
Spending money
I get home from the grocery store so proud of myself because I had saved $12 by using coupons. I had carefully calculated and planned my trip to the store, accounting for every penny, every situation, and every potential problem. I bought a cart full of groceries for under $25.oo. We were low on cereal and milk, so I stocked up.
I got home and my husband says to me, "You spent money again!"
This coming from the man who tells me to buy the "good" cereal. To buy the "good" milk. If he knew how much time and planning and STRESS my trips to the grocery store give me, I don't think he'd treat me like I went on a spending spree with his credit card.
I have not bought myself a new article of clothing since...
I bought myself some nice lotion for my face not too long ago in order to prevent the chapping and breakouts I've been getting. You wouldn't believe the guilt trip I was given.
You also wouldn't believe the guilt trip I gave back!
My son has shot out of his clothes. He needs new pants and pjs and long-sleeved shirts. I bought him a few, from Wal-Mart, so they were extremely cheap. I hate buying clothes there. They don't last and they shrink and they are usually ugly. Still, they are better than nothing.
This dilemma of money spending, getting the best deal, getting your dollar's worth. I've been trying to master it, and I'm getting close. I'm not a huge fan of couponing, but I do it anyway. I don't like shopping at consignment stores and Wal-Mart, but I do it anyway. I don't like wearing clothes that don't fit me anymore, but I do it anyway. I don't even like shopping, but, out of necessity, I do it anyway.
My husband assures me that someday we won't have to be so careful. Being careful with money is so ingrained in me now, I don't think I'll ever be able to come out of it. I'll be one of those old ladies who wears shoes from D.I., reuses paper plates, and stashes sugar packets in my cupboards.
Someone give me ten bucks to use frivolously! Please, my future depends on it!
I got home and my husband says to me, "You spent money again!"
This coming from the man who tells me to buy the "good" cereal. To buy the "good" milk. If he knew how much time and planning and STRESS my trips to the grocery store give me, I don't think he'd treat me like I went on a spending spree with his credit card.
I have not bought myself a new article of clothing since...
I bought myself some nice lotion for my face not too long ago in order to prevent the chapping and breakouts I've been getting. You wouldn't believe the guilt trip I was given.
You also wouldn't believe the guilt trip I gave back!
My son has shot out of his clothes. He needs new pants and pjs and long-sleeved shirts. I bought him a few, from Wal-Mart, so they were extremely cheap. I hate buying clothes there. They don't last and they shrink and they are usually ugly. Still, they are better than nothing.
This dilemma of money spending, getting the best deal, getting your dollar's worth. I've been trying to master it, and I'm getting close. I'm not a huge fan of couponing, but I do it anyway. I don't like shopping at consignment stores and Wal-Mart, but I do it anyway. I don't like wearing clothes that don't fit me anymore, but I do it anyway. I don't even like shopping, but, out of necessity, I do it anyway.
My husband assures me that someday we won't have to be so careful. Being careful with money is so ingrained in me now, I don't think I'll ever be able to come out of it. I'll be one of those old ladies who wears shoes from D.I., reuses paper plates, and stashes sugar packets in my cupboards.
Someone give me ten bucks to use frivolously! Please, my future depends on it!
Tuesday, September 22, 2009
My Thoughtful Husband...
cleaned the oven for me after I spilled something in it and the smoke detectors went off and I burst into tears. In the process of cleaning it, he broke the igniter. My husband eventually fixed it.
Knowing I had a hard day, my husband told me he wanted to spend some time with me. I spent two hours watching him download things onto his XBox.
It's the thought that counts, right?
Actually, my husband is amazing. I have so many friends and family members who are having marital problems right now. Sadly, it's the husband's fault in every case. I'm not being biased, it really is! This has really caused me to ponder my own feelings for my husband. I am so blessed to have him. He loves me despite... me!
I know you can't blame marital problems on just one thing, but is it coincidence that most of these friends only knew their jerk of a husband for a short period before they were engaged?
Listen, I knew my husband for four years before we were engaged, and now that we've been married for five years, I still feel like I hardly know him, so maybe that isn't the reason, but maybe it really is.
We scoff at people who say they "knew" he/she was the "one" when they first set eyes on each other. Okay, I believe that can be true, I do, but I still think you should take the time to get to know the "one" before you marry the "one".
The first time I met my husband, I knew he wasn't the "one". He was way too cocky. It took four years for me to find out that he is actually the most humble person on the planet. His cockiness was actually self-confidence and his way of trying to better himself. He still thinks every one else is better than he is when in reality, no one holds a candle to him.
I digress...
Where do husbands get off thinking they can tell their wives who she can talk to? Where she can go? What she can watch on TV? What she can wear?
These abusive traits come on gradually. If you only know the guy for a few months before you marry him, then by the time the red flags start showing up, you are stuck.
Ladies, the second your husband tells you you can't hang out with your friends or family, or when he manipulates the situation so you can't go. THAT is a BIG red flag.
The second your husband calls you a B*!ch, slut, or any other degrading name, kick him out of the house!
The second your husband threatens to take your kids away, you pack them up and stay with someone you trust.
The second you find yourself confiding in someone about how badly your husband makes you feel about yourself, it's time to get him to go to therapy with you.
Once, I threatened to leave my husband because he hung up on me. By the time he got home, I had my bags packed and I was looking online for a flight to my parents' house. He felt horrible and begged me to stay. He did not tell me I was being stupid. He did not threaten to take our child away. He did not threaten to cut me off without a cent. He begged me to forgive him, and all he did was hang up on me.
Why was I so hard on him? Why was I willing to leave my husband because of that one instance of disrespect? Because I had been in an abusive relationship before, and I was not going to let disrespect be "okay."
My abusive relationship started with him giving me guilt trips. He would get mad at me for not spending enough time with him. He would make me feel guilty for hanging out with my family and friends when he loved me more than they did. He started telling me what to wear, then he started insulting the people I loved most, and then he started calling me names. The last straw was when he told me I couldn't hang out with my best friend anymore. I did finally get rid of him, but the damage was already done. It took a lot of therapy for me to feel worthwhile again, and, by golly, I was not going to let another person make me feel like that again!
I lucked out with my husband. The perfect man fell in love with me, and I didn't even have to trick him into it. I shudder to think how close I was to marrying the other guy. Boy, I dodged a BIG bullet! How come I got so lucky? Because I had a close friend who helped me through it.
Why are we so afraid to tell people when they are being abused? Why are we so afraid to step in and say, "Watch out for that one, he/she is showing signs of an abusive person." Is it because we think it's none of our business? After I dumped the stinker who was abusing me, so many people, who I thought liked him, told me they were so glad I got rid of him.
HELLO?!!
If you could see that he was treating me badly, why didn't you say something at the time? It would have saved me a lot of grief!
Stand up, people! Your friend may be mad at you. She may say you are interfering, meddling, that it's none of your business, but at least you can sleep at night knowing you tried. Maybe she'll step back and see what is going on. Maybe not.
It's nearly 1:00AM, and the fact that I wasn't a good enough friend to warn my friends about their husbands is literally keeping me up at night.
I'm gonna go give my hubby a hug.
Knowing I had a hard day, my husband told me he wanted to spend some time with me. I spent two hours watching him download things onto his XBox.
It's the thought that counts, right?
Actually, my husband is amazing. I have so many friends and family members who are having marital problems right now. Sadly, it's the husband's fault in every case. I'm not being biased, it really is! This has really caused me to ponder my own feelings for my husband. I am so blessed to have him. He loves me despite... me!
I know you can't blame marital problems on just one thing, but is it coincidence that most of these friends only knew their jerk of a husband for a short period before they were engaged?
Listen, I knew my husband for four years before we were engaged, and now that we've been married for five years, I still feel like I hardly know him, so maybe that isn't the reason, but maybe it really is.
We scoff at people who say they "knew" he/she was the "one" when they first set eyes on each other. Okay, I believe that can be true, I do, but I still think you should take the time to get to know the "one" before you marry the "one".
The first time I met my husband, I knew he wasn't the "one". He was way too cocky. It took four years for me to find out that he is actually the most humble person on the planet. His cockiness was actually self-confidence and his way of trying to better himself. He still thinks every one else is better than he is when in reality, no one holds a candle to him.
I digress...
Where do husbands get off thinking they can tell their wives who she can talk to? Where she can go? What she can watch on TV? What she can wear?
These abusive traits come on gradually. If you only know the guy for a few months before you marry him, then by the time the red flags start showing up, you are stuck.
Ladies, the second your husband tells you you can't hang out with your friends or family, or when he manipulates the situation so you can't go. THAT is a BIG red flag.
The second your husband calls you a B*!ch, slut, or any other degrading name, kick him out of the house!
The second your husband threatens to take your kids away, you pack them up and stay with someone you trust.
The second you find yourself confiding in someone about how badly your husband makes you feel about yourself, it's time to get him to go to therapy with you.
Once, I threatened to leave my husband because he hung up on me. By the time he got home, I had my bags packed and I was looking online for a flight to my parents' house. He felt horrible and begged me to stay. He did not tell me I was being stupid. He did not threaten to take our child away. He did not threaten to cut me off without a cent. He begged me to forgive him, and all he did was hang up on me.
Why was I so hard on him? Why was I willing to leave my husband because of that one instance of disrespect? Because I had been in an abusive relationship before, and I was not going to let disrespect be "okay."
My abusive relationship started with him giving me guilt trips. He would get mad at me for not spending enough time with him. He would make me feel guilty for hanging out with my family and friends when he loved me more than they did. He started telling me what to wear, then he started insulting the people I loved most, and then he started calling me names. The last straw was when he told me I couldn't hang out with my best friend anymore. I did finally get rid of him, but the damage was already done. It took a lot of therapy for me to feel worthwhile again, and, by golly, I was not going to let another person make me feel like that again!
I lucked out with my husband. The perfect man fell in love with me, and I didn't even have to trick him into it. I shudder to think how close I was to marrying the other guy. Boy, I dodged a BIG bullet! How come I got so lucky? Because I had a close friend who helped me through it.
Why are we so afraid to tell people when they are being abused? Why are we so afraid to step in and say, "Watch out for that one, he/she is showing signs of an abusive person." Is it because we think it's none of our business? After I dumped the stinker who was abusing me, so many people, who I thought liked him, told me they were so glad I got rid of him.
HELLO?!!
If you could see that he was treating me badly, why didn't you say something at the time? It would have saved me a lot of grief!
Stand up, people! Your friend may be mad at you. She may say you are interfering, meddling, that it's none of your business, but at least you can sleep at night knowing you tried. Maybe she'll step back and see what is going on. Maybe not.
It's nearly 1:00AM, and the fact that I wasn't a good enough friend to warn my friends about their husbands is literally keeping me up at night.
I'm gonna go give my hubby a hug.
Sunday, August 23, 2009
Have you ever...?
Have you ever had to ask your husband where the toilet plunger is? You probably haven't because you know where it is in a jiffy for those times your hubby or child leaves a drippy surprise in the bathroom. Seeing as we had just moved into our house, I didn't know where it was.
NOT SOMETHING YOU WANT TO ASK YOUR HUSBAND
Mostly because I didn't want to get teased to death.
So, when I asked him, "Do you know where the toilet plunger is?" and he asked me, "why?" I wanted to rip his head off.
Trying to keep calm, I ask, "Do you KNOW where the toilet plunger is?"
He just looks at me, amused.
"FINE!! I'LL JUST LEAVE IT FOR YOU TO CLEAN UP!"
Then he gets all pouty that I snapped at him and gives me the silent treatment. All while I'm imagining the toilet suddenly overflowing and filling my new bathroom with... well you can imagine.
"WELL?!!"
He glares at me. "It's in the cleaning closet, I think."
I find the tool and get the deed done. My roommates didn't call me Diana Pooper Mixer for nothin'. Yeah, they called me that because I was the only one who knew how to unclog a toilet. Gross.
SO, what's worse than having to ask your husband where the toilet plunger is?
Having to apologize for the way you asked him.
Or maybe it's when he asks you, "Why was the toilet clogged?" and bugs you until you answer.
NOT SOMETHING YOU WANT TO ASK YOUR HUSBAND
Mostly because I didn't want to get teased to death.
So, when I asked him, "Do you know where the toilet plunger is?" and he asked me, "why?" I wanted to rip his head off.
Trying to keep calm, I ask, "Do you KNOW where the toilet plunger is?"
He just looks at me, amused.
"FINE!! I'LL JUST LEAVE IT FOR YOU TO CLEAN UP!"
Then he gets all pouty that I snapped at him and gives me the silent treatment. All while I'm imagining the toilet suddenly overflowing and filling my new bathroom with... well you can imagine.
"WELL?!!"
He glares at me. "It's in the cleaning closet, I think."
I find the tool and get the deed done. My roommates didn't call me Diana Pooper Mixer for nothin'. Yeah, they called me that because I was the only one who knew how to unclog a toilet. Gross.
SO, what's worse than having to ask your husband where the toilet plunger is?
Having to apologize for the way you asked him.
Or maybe it's when he asks you, "Why was the toilet clogged?" and bugs you until you answer.
Sunday, July 12, 2009
What do I Want to Whine about Today?
I realize I haven't posted in a while. I have been a little bit busy. We are moving into a new house, and I have come to find that we have a lot of stuff. No wonder my life feels so unorganized, it is! I'm so excited to use this new house as an opportunity to create some semblance of order. I have tried to implement a schedule for my boys, but that is nearly impossible when living with your parents and having a husband around all the time. Now that Matt has returned to work, and we'll be in our own place soon, I am really excited to get some routines going in our day. I guess this is how my mom felt when we were out of school for the Summer. I remember her saying how she couldn't wait for school to start again so we could get back on schedule.
What's so great about schedules? For one thing, they sure make things easier for kids. It gives them security when they know what to expect. Thus, it reduces tantrums and misbehavior. Schedules are very important to kids with autism who find comfort in the expected.
My husband has a nightly routine with Cory. First, Cory gets a bath or we wash hands and face, then brush teeth. Then Cory has to put his pajamas on all by himself. This is still a struggle for him, but he's getting faster! Then they play airplane, where Matt balances Cory on his hands and zooms him around. They play a series of other acrobatic games. Then Matt reads Cory three stories because he is three years old. Then they say prayers, he gives Cory a drink of water and tucks him in.
This routine has been a lifesaver, so it's hard when Matt is working late and I have to put him to bed. I don't, for example, do "airplane" correctly.
The Baby Whisperer, and I'm sorry I don't have an exact reference, says that routines are practice for life. If you want your child to behave at a restaurant, then you need to establish a mealtime routine that you can mimic at a restaurant. If you don't want your child playing around at a restaurant, then don't let them play around during mealtimes at home. Meals are a struggle at our house. I know my kids get hungry before we do and dinner just isn't ready yet. I'm looking forward to having my own house where I'm in control of when we have dinner. I know I've talked about this before, but it's something that is really important, and I'm excited to blog about our progress in the future!
What's so great about schedules? For one thing, they sure make things easier for kids. It gives them security when they know what to expect. Thus, it reduces tantrums and misbehavior. Schedules are very important to kids with autism who find comfort in the expected.
My husband has a nightly routine with Cory. First, Cory gets a bath or we wash hands and face, then brush teeth. Then Cory has to put his pajamas on all by himself. This is still a struggle for him, but he's getting faster! Then they play airplane, where Matt balances Cory on his hands and zooms him around. They play a series of other acrobatic games. Then Matt reads Cory three stories because he is three years old. Then they say prayers, he gives Cory a drink of water and tucks him in.
This routine has been a lifesaver, so it's hard when Matt is working late and I have to put him to bed. I don't, for example, do "airplane" correctly.
The Baby Whisperer, and I'm sorry I don't have an exact reference, says that routines are practice for life. If you want your child to behave at a restaurant, then you need to establish a mealtime routine that you can mimic at a restaurant. If you don't want your child playing around at a restaurant, then don't let them play around during mealtimes at home. Meals are a struggle at our house. I know my kids get hungry before we do and dinner just isn't ready yet. I'm looking forward to having my own house where I'm in control of when we have dinner. I know I've talked about this before, but it's something that is really important, and I'm excited to blog about our progress in the future!
Sunday, May 31, 2009
Budget Trucks
I warned them...
We rented a Budget truck to move our stuff from one end of this continent to the other. Okay, so, it wasn't that far, but for how long it took us, it should've been!
We get the truck, and I nearly puke all over it. It was filthy! It stunk! I wanted to bathe in sanitizer after getting in that thing!
We get the truck loaded up, we get going on the freeway, we hit a small bump in the road, we nearly tip over. I'm thinking, "WHAT THE &*!!, we're gonna DIE!!" My husband, the CDL driver who kept all the soldier supplies safe during all those attacked convoys in Iraq can handle a moving truck, right? Right. So, why the heck did we almost tip over? Because the truck was rocking, not rockin' as in old-school '80s hairband rockin, but like we're gonna flip over.
The truck wasn't particularly heavy. We had sold most our furniture. We had a heavy piano, and a lot of boxes, and a mattress. THAT IS ALL! Why is the van teetering like this? My husband, the ever careful packer, made sure that the truck would be perfectly balanced. Why, despite his meticulous efforts, did we feel like we were on the ocean rather than the interstate?
Because Budget SUCKS!
Okay, so you don't judge me for using such harsh language, let me continue. It wasn't long after we had called customer service 3 times just to be put on hold and disconnected that a tire blew. We called roadside assistance which told us they would have help there in an hour. Three hours later, we had a new tire and we were "on the road again", to coin the lyric. By this time, it was really late at night, and the stress had taken its toll on us. We pulled over and passed out in the truck. After our extremely uncomfortable "sleep" we started driving again. This time it was about six hours before the brand-spankin'-new tire blew. If my husband hadn't been driving, we would have been dead for sure.
Thank heaven for RedBox. Two movies and a wilderness urination later, we were "on the road again." What would normally take us 16 hours to drive, took us 30!! Thanks a lot Budget.
After turning in the truck, we immediately called customer service to make them aware of our discontent with our rented truck. Which kept rocking even when it was empty!
My sweet husband gets on the line with a woman who is less than sympathetic of our situation. "I only have record of one blown tire," she says with disdain. SO! ONE blown tire is scary enough! We weren't asking for a refund, but maybe some compensation. She said she could give us %15. Um, seriously? 15? That is practically insulting! So, the woman gives my husband serious attitude when he politely says that isn't good enough. He was talking to a lady, so he was being extra polite. Well, she continued to give him grief but says 25% is the best she can do. She puts him on hold, and he tells me what has been going on.
My turn. I get on the phone, and when the lady gets back on I say, "I want to talk to your manager."
"I don't have a manager," she says in a really snotty tone.
"Then let me talk to your superior."
"It doesn't matter who you talk to, you're not gonna get more than 25% back."
"I don't care! You were being a jerk to my husband, and I want to report you!!"
"Fine." I get put on hold for a long time, and finally, a very pleasant-sounding lady gets on the phone.
"How may I help you?"
"I was just talking to one of your customer service reps..."
"Yes, Robert."
"No, it was a woman."
"No, that was Robert." I was floored! I could've sworn I was talking to a woman!
"So, he's got a femmy voice, and he's a jerk?" I ask.
She laughs and says, "Yeah. I'm so sorry he was impolite to you..." blah, blah, blah.
Yeah, so we can't get more than %25 back, whatever. Their customer service blows. I'm telling all of you DO NOT ever use Budget trucks!
We rented a Budget truck to move our stuff from one end of this continent to the other. Okay, so, it wasn't that far, but for how long it took us, it should've been!
We get the truck, and I nearly puke all over it. It was filthy! It stunk! I wanted to bathe in sanitizer after getting in that thing!
We get the truck loaded up, we get going on the freeway, we hit a small bump in the road, we nearly tip over. I'm thinking, "WHAT THE &*!!, we're gonna DIE!!" My husband, the CDL driver who kept all the soldier supplies safe during all those attacked convoys in Iraq can handle a moving truck, right? Right. So, why the heck did we almost tip over? Because the truck was rocking, not rockin' as in old-school '80s hairband rockin, but like we're gonna flip over.
The truck wasn't particularly heavy. We had sold most our furniture. We had a heavy piano, and a lot of boxes, and a mattress. THAT IS ALL! Why is the van teetering like this? My husband, the ever careful packer, made sure that the truck would be perfectly balanced. Why, despite his meticulous efforts, did we feel like we were on the ocean rather than the interstate?
Because Budget SUCKS!
Okay, so you don't judge me for using such harsh language, let me continue. It wasn't long after we had called customer service 3 times just to be put on hold and disconnected that a tire blew. We called roadside assistance which told us they would have help there in an hour. Three hours later, we had a new tire and we were "on the road again", to coin the lyric. By this time, it was really late at night, and the stress had taken its toll on us. We pulled over and passed out in the truck. After our extremely uncomfortable "sleep" we started driving again. This time it was about six hours before the brand-spankin'-new tire blew. If my husband hadn't been driving, we would have been dead for sure.
Thank heaven for RedBox. Two movies and a wilderness urination later, we were "on the road again." What would normally take us 16 hours to drive, took us 30!! Thanks a lot Budget.
After turning in the truck, we immediately called customer service to make them aware of our discontent with our rented truck. Which kept rocking even when it was empty!
My sweet husband gets on the line with a woman who is less than sympathetic of our situation. "I only have record of one blown tire," she says with disdain. SO! ONE blown tire is scary enough! We weren't asking for a refund, but maybe some compensation. She said she could give us %15. Um, seriously? 15? That is practically insulting! So, the woman gives my husband serious attitude when he politely says that isn't good enough. He was talking to a lady, so he was being extra polite. Well, she continued to give him grief but says 25% is the best she can do. She puts him on hold, and he tells me what has been going on.
My turn. I get on the phone, and when the lady gets back on I say, "I want to talk to your manager."
"I don't have a manager," she says in a really snotty tone.
"Then let me talk to your superior."
"It doesn't matter who you talk to, you're not gonna get more than 25% back."
"I don't care! You were being a jerk to my husband, and I want to report you!!"
"Fine." I get put on hold for a long time, and finally, a very pleasant-sounding lady gets on the phone.
"How may I help you?"
"I was just talking to one of your customer service reps..."
"Yes, Robert."
"No, it was a woman."
"No, that was Robert." I was floored! I could've sworn I was talking to a woman!
"So, he's got a femmy voice, and he's a jerk?" I ask.
She laughs and says, "Yeah. I'm so sorry he was impolite to you..." blah, blah, blah.
Yeah, so we can't get more than %25 back, whatever. Their customer service blows. I'm telling all of you DO NOT ever use Budget trucks!
Thursday, May 28, 2009
Bed Bed Bed...
I have a very difficult time going to bed at night. It's not that I don't want to, it's just that I relish in the quiet and peaceful solace that nighttime provides. My kids are in bed by 8:00 every night. I am a firm believer in strict bedtimes. I have been ever since I read On Becoming Babywise. Once I got my baby Cory going to bed at a regular time, his schedule kind of fell into place. What I didn't like was waking up my baby. Honestly, it was more of a struggle to try to wake him up and keep this cranky baby awake for a half hour rather than just let him sleep for that half hour and let him wake up happy. This holds true for me today. My kids get about 12 hours of sleep a night. They wake up between 8:00-8:30 and they are happy!
My problem is that once they are asleep in bed I finally get my time, and I want it to last as long as possible. I stay up late, very late! This isn't good because I wake up at 6:30 every morning to go running. I'm exhausted all day, but when nighttime comes and the boys are sleeping, I'm wide awake. Why is that?
Last night, I got into bed without washing my face, brushing my teeth, I even still had my bra on. It was 10:00 and I wanted to read my book. Next thing I know, it's 2:00AM and my mouth tasted like bum. I got up, brushed my teeth, did my business, and went back to bed.
My run this morning went better than expected.
I need a bedtime.
My problem is that once they are asleep in bed I finally get my time, and I want it to last as long as possible. I stay up late, very late! This isn't good because I wake up at 6:30 every morning to go running. I'm exhausted all day, but when nighttime comes and the boys are sleeping, I'm wide awake. Why is that?
Last night, I got into bed without washing my face, brushing my teeth, I even still had my bra on. It was 10:00 and I wanted to read my book. Next thing I know, it's 2:00AM and my mouth tasted like bum. I got up, brushed my teeth, did my business, and went back to bed.
My run this morning went better than expected.
I need a bedtime.
Thursday, May 14, 2009
Ticking Time Bomb
Like I said in my first post, I don't want this blog to be about me ranting and complaining and whining, and I'm determined it won't be despite some of my past posts. I was hoping to do some reading on parenting and marital relationships to find out some things to experiment on, but, lets face it, I am way too stressed out right now. I don't handle stress well, either. I usually withdraw from the situation and let things--laundry in this case-- pile up around me.
My whole house is one giant ball of pent up frustration just waiting to explode. My sister is getting married in a month, my husband is graduating next week, we need to move all our stuff out of our old place and drive it cross country and put it in storage here until our house is done, we are building a house, one of my best friends is going through a horrible crisis and I'm dying that I can't be there with her. Plus, I live with my mom. Living with your mom when she is trying to plan a wedding is like living with a hydrogen bomb. I worry so much that any little mistake I make will be more than she can handle and she'll just explode and take us all down with her.
Here I am going through my own anxiety while watching my mother go through hers, watching my sister try to plan her wedding, and my husband trying to wrap up school. It's amazing we haven't killed each other yet.
I have to admit I have considered seeing a doctor. I really don't think my heart should be pounding this much and having trouble breathing is pretty serious. I am so tense I think my neck will snap off if my stomach doesn't burn me from the inside out. I'm going to Google "anxiety attacks" and see what the almighty internet has to say...
Yep, that sounds about right. Can anyone score me some Valium?
My whole house is one giant ball of pent up frustration just waiting to explode. My sister is getting married in a month, my husband is graduating next week, we need to move all our stuff out of our old place and drive it cross country and put it in storage here until our house is done, we are building a house, one of my best friends is going through a horrible crisis and I'm dying that I can't be there with her. Plus, I live with my mom. Living with your mom when she is trying to plan a wedding is like living with a hydrogen bomb. I worry so much that any little mistake I make will be more than she can handle and she'll just explode and take us all down with her.
Here I am going through my own anxiety while watching my mother go through hers, watching my sister try to plan her wedding, and my husband trying to wrap up school. It's amazing we haven't killed each other yet.
I have to admit I have considered seeing a doctor. I really don't think my heart should be pounding this much and having trouble breathing is pretty serious. I am so tense I think my neck will snap off if my stomach doesn't burn me from the inside out. I'm going to Google "anxiety attacks" and see what the almighty internet has to say...
Yep, that sounds about right. Can anyone score me some Valium?
Saturday, May 9, 2009
Eerie
At a family party earlier today, my aunt whipped out a photo that she wanted me to see. She said she had found it the day before in some old boxes and considered it an early Mother's Day gift. It was a photo of her son who had been deceased since before I was born. Our family rarely speaks of the death of my cousin because it was so tragic. He was only two years old and the circumstances surrounding his death were so sad that, out of respect to my family, I won't talk about them. You can imagine, then, why I was so surprised that she would hand me a photo of him. Particularly because I had never seen a photograph of him before.
I looked at the old photo that was taken sometime in the late seventies and nearly lost my balance. My breath was literally taken away. There in that old, faded photo was my son Kevin's face. Seriously, the likeness was unmistakable. The eyes, the hair, the same mischevious smile, if Kevin were blond, I would swear it was him in the photo.
It shook me up, to say the least. I have been weirded out by it all day. I can't get the photo out of my head. If we were living in some Hollywood drama, I would think this was some eerie omen or devastating foreshadow of things to come. Thankfully, "I'm not a superstitious person, I'm just a little 'stitious."
Honestly, I couldn't wait to rush home to my baby boy and hold him. I didn't let him out of my sight all day. I told my dad what had happened, and he told me that he saw the resemblance before but didn't want to say anything. I think sometimes we are given these wake-up calls so we remember how wonderful our lives really are.
On this day, Mother's Day, hug your kids a little tighter, cherish their presence a little more, be a bit more patient, and tell them how much you love them. It's because of them that you are a mother, and you never know how quickly they can be taken from you.
I looked at the old photo that was taken sometime in the late seventies and nearly lost my balance. My breath was literally taken away. There in that old, faded photo was my son Kevin's face. Seriously, the likeness was unmistakable. The eyes, the hair, the same mischevious smile, if Kevin were blond, I would swear it was him in the photo.
It shook me up, to say the least. I have been weirded out by it all day. I can't get the photo out of my head. If we were living in some Hollywood drama, I would think this was some eerie omen or devastating foreshadow of things to come. Thankfully, "I'm not a superstitious person, I'm just a little 'stitious."
Honestly, I couldn't wait to rush home to my baby boy and hold him. I didn't let him out of my sight all day. I told my dad what had happened, and he told me that he saw the resemblance before but didn't want to say anything. I think sometimes we are given these wake-up calls so we remember how wonderful our lives really are.
On this day, Mother's Day, hug your kids a little tighter, cherish their presence a little more, be a bit more patient, and tell them how much you love them. It's because of them that you are a mother, and you never know how quickly they can be taken from you.
Friday, May 8, 2009
Regular work day...
I know I shouldn't see motherhood as a regular job like the ones I had before I became a mom. The last "real" job I had was working as a secretary while I was in college. I was an assistant to the secretary in the college of Food Sciences. I hated this job. It felt like a job the secretary made up so she wouldn't have to do any work. Really, all she did all day was try to figure out the new budgeting program, which I could've showed her how to work in about five minutes. Still, it kept her busy, which meant she couldn't boss me around as much. What I did was type-- yes on a typewriter-- new labels for ALL the files in the whole office. It took a really long time. I did other things too, mostly organizational things and run errands. One time my boss mailed out letters to the wrong people and she blamed it on me. That was the day I realized my job was to take the blame for all the mistakes my boss made.
I LOVE my job now. I really do. Still, there are days that I catch myself clock watching. As if my job were going to end and I was going to be able to leave. As if. No, I watch the clock for the time when my husband gets home. Pathetic? Maybe.
It's not like my responsibilities end when he walks in the door, but there is the hope that they will be lightened a little. Maybe he'll take the kids outside to play while I get dinner ready, so they aren't pulling on my legs wanting my attention.
Yes, I try to get them to make dinner with me. Cory loves to, but Kevin would rather me hold him while I do everything. Ouch.
Even now Kevin is pulling on my arm hindering my typing.
So often my husband gets home and plops down and says, "Can I just sit for a minute?"
"Sure," I reply feeling a little guilty that he has had a long, hard day and here I am asking him to distract the kids while I get his dinner ready. Then I think, "Wait! Can't I just sit for a minute?!" I start to get a little resentful. Is that horrible of me? I don't think so. I think it's natural to feel that way, but I try not to let the resentment fester, so I either yell at him or let it go. :)
So, husbands, not that any are reading this, maybe let your wife "hang around the water cooler" a little longer this Mother's Day.
I LOVE my job now. I really do. Still, there are days that I catch myself clock watching. As if my job were going to end and I was going to be able to leave. As if. No, I watch the clock for the time when my husband gets home. Pathetic? Maybe.
It's not like my responsibilities end when he walks in the door, but there is the hope that they will be lightened a little. Maybe he'll take the kids outside to play while I get dinner ready, so they aren't pulling on my legs wanting my attention.
Yes, I try to get them to make dinner with me. Cory loves to, but Kevin would rather me hold him while I do everything. Ouch.
Even now Kevin is pulling on my arm hindering my typing.
So often my husband gets home and plops down and says, "Can I just sit for a minute?"
"Sure," I reply feeling a little guilty that he has had a long, hard day and here I am asking him to distract the kids while I get his dinner ready. Then I think, "Wait! Can't I just sit for a minute?!" I start to get a little resentful. Is that horrible of me? I don't think so. I think it's natural to feel that way, but I try not to let the resentment fester, so I either yell at him or let it go. :)
So, husbands, not that any are reading this, maybe let your wife "hang around the water cooler" a little longer this Mother's Day.
Tuesday, May 5, 2009
Building my endurance... again.
I built up my endurance so that I was running 3 miles a day. It was a slow 3 miles, but I did it! Of course, some big, giant needle came a long and burst my massive bubble. Yes, my bubble was massive because I was so proud of myself. This big needle gave me a cold, a virus that attacked my lungs. Asthma attacks followed.
Now that I'm feeling better, I can barely run 1 mile before I'm exhausted.
Not wanting to spend the next 3 months trying to build up to running 3 miles a day again, I did some research on building endurance. While the following article isn't the most helpful one I found, it is the most entertaining.
http://www.essortment.com/all/buildingenduran_rjxs.htm
"Check with your doctor before you begin your exercise program.
I think we all know the benefits of building endurance but how is it developed? What is more important, how is it developed without hurting our selves? Well now that’s the question isn’t it? The following are just a few suggestions with a few words of caution added in for good measure.
For starters, this article is not written with the professional athlete in mind but for the more sedate. Although the exercises that will be described herein will certainly be of benefit to anyone.
Step one to improving your endurance is to stand up, walk to the television set and hit the off button. If the television doesn’t go off, you may have to apply just a little more force to the button. When they haven’t been turned off in a while they have a tendency to stick.
The next step is walk over to the icebox and put that half a can of beer back in. Don’t worry; you’ll be back before it has a chance to go flat. There is no sense in wasting a good beer, especially if it’s Guiness Stout or New Castle. On second thought, if you have more I’ll come over and work out with you.
Let’s head outside, and remember to take your watch. First we are going to do some light stretches. We won’t be doing many stretches just enough to loosen up so nothing is pulled that we might want to use later.
To begin reach over, touch your toes and hold your position for thirty seconds. Straighten up and arch your back to relieve the strain. Do this a couple of times but after the first grab your ankles and apply a gentle pull to try and get a little lower. You should be uncomfortable but not in any real pain. If you catch a cramp, come up about six inches and then slowly work your way back down. Done yet? Not in the least.
Now spread your feet six inches and do it again, then attempt to touch each leg with your chest. Remember to go slow and steady, don’t rush or jerk as this tightens the muscles and increases the chances of injury. Continue to work your feet out six inches at a time until you’ve gone down so far and your feet are so wide that you can’t straighten up with out pulling your feet in. It is important that you rotate your feet up on your heels with your toes pointed to the sky as you do this stretch. By rotating the feet up, you will relieve the stress placed upon the knees and other joints. Once your feet are pointing upwards, allow yourself to go down as far as you can.
Sit down and leave your feet spread, if you have pets in the yard you may want to first look where you’re about to sit. Pull your chest as close to the ground as possible then to the legs. Try to hold each stretch for thirty to sixty seconds. You will want to continue to increase the spread of your feet you can’t spread them anymore. Each time you move your feet they should open approximately six inches at a time.
When you have finished this, cross one leg over the other and grasp the crossed foot and rotate it ten times one way and then ten the other slowly. Switch ankles and repeat. Stand up, bend over and place your hands on your knees move your knees ten times one way and ten times the other in circles. It’s important that you stretch everyday whether you work out or not. This will help you to throw off the effects of the exercise a lot faster.
Walk to the road look both ways, pick a direction and start walking. The objective is to walk three miles in as close to forty-five minutes as possible. It sounds easy, right? Not very, at least not at first but it does get easier the more you do it. After doing this every other day for a couple of weeks move up to five-pound ankle weights. After six weeks, cut the time to thirty minutes and inject some running into it. The key is to go slow, allow the body to acclimate itself to the increased activity. It’s not that you can’t start the running right away, you can force the body to do incredible feats but you will be defeating the purpose if you injure yourself in the process. Plus the likelihood of your continuing after the injury is healed isn’t very good.
Once you are back home, do some katas or calisthenics for about fifteen minuets. Toe touches, deep knee bends, sit-ups, and pushups are all good but remember to do some light stretches to cool down. If you need more ideas buy a book, you’ll need something to read while you sit in your hot bath of Epsom salt. By the way you may want to invest in stock in this product for the first week or two. An important point, plan out what exercises you are going to do before it’s time to perform them so you don’t have to pause while your heart rate go down. As the time that you spend walking or running decreases increase the length of time you spend doing calisthenics by increasing the number of reps you do. You may try doing them to music or have a partner do them with you so the time doesn’t seem to be so boring. Music and partners have both been proven to increase the chances of a sedate person keeping with an exercise program.
If you get tired of walking or running, break out that bike and go for a ride. Please use the appropriate safety equipment. By the way it’s cheating if the bike has a motor on it although it is legal to ride a stationary bike inside while you watch television. Do make it a challenge so increase the tension so your heart rate will rise. Even with the stationary bikes, don’t forget to do your stretches.
Another great cardio vascular work out option for martial artists is kata. Do every one that you know ten times as fast as you can while still maintaining your form. If you don’t know that many
(a.) Do the one you do know more than ten times, working up to one hundred in one session.
(b.) Go to class or buy a kata book and learn additional katas.
While doing a kata, try performing them to fast tempo music. The style of music is a personal preference but it not only makes the time working on kata go smoother but your body’s motions as well.
Do you remember earlier in the article it said something about every other day? Did you really think you were going to get a day of rest in-between? Hardly, now we get into resistance training. I’m not going to cover much on this, as there are too many books and information out there in the stores and on the web to have to describe a bunch of exercises. Remember we are not trying to bulk up here, although there’s nothing wrong with doing that. Instead we are trying to build endurance so start out with light weights and do a lot of reaps. After you have built up your body some, start to increase either the weight or the number of times you do your routine. Don’t forget to use a spotter in case you become overwhelmed, work carefully and try to increase your work out at least every other week.
The key to improving your endurance is going to be you actually getting up, setting a time aside for you to work out and doing it. Don’t feel guilty about the time you spend doing this, as you are not taking it away from your family.
You’re doing it for them. You will be in better shape while increasing your stamina and your chances of remaining in excellent health.
By doing this you will be able to do more with and FOR them.
An additional benefit is that you’ll be in a better frame of mind. Regular exercise is an excellent way to relieve stress.
If for some reason you do feel guilty about your exercise time, make it a family affair. Get them up, make them join you and improve the health and mental well being of the entire family. Regardless, enjoy your workouts because you deserve them."
Now that I'm feeling better, I can barely run 1 mile before I'm exhausted.
Not wanting to spend the next 3 months trying to build up to running 3 miles a day again, I did some research on building endurance. While the following article isn't the most helpful one I found, it is the most entertaining.
http://www.essortment.com/all/buildingenduran_rjxs.htm
"Check with your doctor before you begin your exercise program.
I think we all know the benefits of building endurance but how is it developed? What is more important, how is it developed without hurting our selves? Well now that’s the question isn’t it? The following are just a few suggestions with a few words of caution added in for good measure.
For starters, this article is not written with the professional athlete in mind but for the more sedate. Although the exercises that will be described herein will certainly be of benefit to anyone.
Step one to improving your endurance is to stand up, walk to the television set and hit the off button. If the television doesn’t go off, you may have to apply just a little more force to the button. When they haven’t been turned off in a while they have a tendency to stick.
The next step is walk over to the icebox and put that half a can of beer back in. Don’t worry; you’ll be back before it has a chance to go flat. There is no sense in wasting a good beer, especially if it’s Guiness Stout or New Castle. On second thought, if you have more I’ll come over and work out with you.
Let’s head outside, and remember to take your watch. First we are going to do some light stretches. We won’t be doing many stretches just enough to loosen up so nothing is pulled that we might want to use later.
To begin reach over, touch your toes and hold your position for thirty seconds. Straighten up and arch your back to relieve the strain. Do this a couple of times but after the first grab your ankles and apply a gentle pull to try and get a little lower. You should be uncomfortable but not in any real pain. If you catch a cramp, come up about six inches and then slowly work your way back down. Done yet? Not in the least.
Now spread your feet six inches and do it again, then attempt to touch each leg with your chest. Remember to go slow and steady, don’t rush or jerk as this tightens the muscles and increases the chances of injury. Continue to work your feet out six inches at a time until you’ve gone down so far and your feet are so wide that you can’t straighten up with out pulling your feet in. It is important that you rotate your feet up on your heels with your toes pointed to the sky as you do this stretch. By rotating the feet up, you will relieve the stress placed upon the knees and other joints. Once your feet are pointing upwards, allow yourself to go down as far as you can.
Sit down and leave your feet spread, if you have pets in the yard you may want to first look where you’re about to sit. Pull your chest as close to the ground as possible then to the legs. Try to hold each stretch for thirty to sixty seconds. You will want to continue to increase the spread of your feet you can’t spread them anymore. Each time you move your feet they should open approximately six inches at a time.
When you have finished this, cross one leg over the other and grasp the crossed foot and rotate it ten times one way and then ten the other slowly. Switch ankles and repeat. Stand up, bend over and place your hands on your knees move your knees ten times one way and ten times the other in circles. It’s important that you stretch everyday whether you work out or not. This will help you to throw off the effects of the exercise a lot faster.
Walk to the road look both ways, pick a direction and start walking. The objective is to walk three miles in as close to forty-five minutes as possible. It sounds easy, right? Not very, at least not at first but it does get easier the more you do it. After doing this every other day for a couple of weeks move up to five-pound ankle weights. After six weeks, cut the time to thirty minutes and inject some running into it. The key is to go slow, allow the body to acclimate itself to the increased activity. It’s not that you can’t start the running right away, you can force the body to do incredible feats but you will be defeating the purpose if you injure yourself in the process. Plus the likelihood of your continuing after the injury is healed isn’t very good.
Once you are back home, do some katas or calisthenics for about fifteen minuets. Toe touches, deep knee bends, sit-ups, and pushups are all good but remember to do some light stretches to cool down. If you need more ideas buy a book, you’ll need something to read while you sit in your hot bath of Epsom salt. By the way you may want to invest in stock in this product for the first week or two. An important point, plan out what exercises you are going to do before it’s time to perform them so you don’t have to pause while your heart rate go down. As the time that you spend walking or running decreases increase the length of time you spend doing calisthenics by increasing the number of reps you do. You may try doing them to music or have a partner do them with you so the time doesn’t seem to be so boring. Music and partners have both been proven to increase the chances of a sedate person keeping with an exercise program.
If you get tired of walking or running, break out that bike and go for a ride. Please use the appropriate safety equipment. By the way it’s cheating if the bike has a motor on it although it is legal to ride a stationary bike inside while you watch television. Do make it a challenge so increase the tension so your heart rate will rise. Even with the stationary bikes, don’t forget to do your stretches.
Another great cardio vascular work out option for martial artists is kata. Do every one that you know ten times as fast as you can while still maintaining your form. If you don’t know that many
(a.) Do the one you do know more than ten times, working up to one hundred in one session.
(b.) Go to class or buy a kata book and learn additional katas.
While doing a kata, try performing them to fast tempo music. The style of music is a personal preference but it not only makes the time working on kata go smoother but your body’s motions as well.
Do you remember earlier in the article it said something about every other day? Did you really think you were going to get a day of rest in-between? Hardly, now we get into resistance training. I’m not going to cover much on this, as there are too many books and information out there in the stores and on the web to have to describe a bunch of exercises. Remember we are not trying to bulk up here, although there’s nothing wrong with doing that. Instead we are trying to build endurance so start out with light weights and do a lot of reaps. After you have built up your body some, start to increase either the weight or the number of times you do your routine. Don’t forget to use a spotter in case you become overwhelmed, work carefully and try to increase your work out at least every other week.
The key to improving your endurance is going to be you actually getting up, setting a time aside for you to work out and doing it. Don’t feel guilty about the time you spend doing this, as you are not taking it away from your family.
You’re doing it for them. You will be in better shape while increasing your stamina and your chances of remaining in excellent health.
By doing this you will be able to do more with and FOR them.
An additional benefit is that you’ll be in a better frame of mind. Regular exercise is an excellent way to relieve stress.
If for some reason you do feel guilty about your exercise time, make it a family affair. Get them up, make them join you and improve the health and mental well being of the entire family. Regardless, enjoy your workouts because you deserve them."
Tuesday, April 28, 2009
How Does 10:00PM Come So Quickly?
By the time I get my kids in bed, it's nearly 8:30PM. Very rarely are they both actually asleep by 9:00. Then I have about an hour before my goal bedtime, 10:00. One hour of quiet. Just one hour. I have so much to do! I have to clean up after the two hurricanes that went through my house during the day. I have to make sure the dishwasher is running, change my clothes, brush my teeth, wash my face, go to the bathroom, check my email, say my prayers, read my scriptures, find my glasses, find my book, straighten up my room, go back upstairs and get a glass of water, climb into bed, go back upstairs and take my vitamins, get back into bed, get out of bed to say prayers with my husband, get back into bed, go back upstairs and make sure all the doors are locked, get back into bed, go check on the boys, get back into bed, set my alarm clock, get out of bed and set out my running clothes for the morning, go back upstairs and get my iPOD off the charger and set it with my running clothes, get back into bed...oh, it's midnight. I'll just read one chapter of my book...
Saturday, April 25, 2009
The Guilt Trip...
As my husband is racing out the door to take his motorcycle to the track, I say, "Gee, I wish I could just take off anytime I wanted to and do something fun."
He stops in his tracks.
"Honey, you get to..." he trails off.
I wanted to say,"When do I get to? Seriously, name a time?"
Instead I say, "You go and have fun, but don't complain to me if I want to just take off sometime."
"That's not fair. I let you go out."
LET ME?!! He's just digging himself into a hole now. I thought parenthood was about teamwork, right?
I'm not really trying to make him feel guilty, I just want him to understand.
How often do I get to just stop at the gas station on a whim and go inside and get myself the super-sized Diet Coke that I am craving without having to unbuckle two young kids and take them kicking and screaming inside because Social Services will take them away from me if I don't. Then I'd have to buy candy and drinks for them because it's not fair that mommy gets a drink and they don't. Then a buck turns into five dollars! I can't afford it! I have the same problem at a drive-thru. I can't win.
Yeah, I've given this a lot of thought.
Being a mom comes with a little cage that you get locked in to with little cell mates that are totally dependant on you. So many times I need to just run somewhere and do something but I put it off because I can't muster up the energy to find two extra pairs of shoes, wrestle with surprisingly strong little legs to put the shoes on, change two diapers, remember to pack two more in my bag, etc. Just to unload them from the car and wrestle with them while I do one quick little errand that turns into a hair-pulling mess.
So, yes, sometimes I feel trapped. My cell mates are delightful for the most part, and I enjoy my little cage (I wouldn't have it any other way), but the lack of freedom tends to get to me. I don't even get to use the bathroom in private!
Thus, I sigh, "I wish I could take off any time I want to and do something fun."
He stops in his tracks.
"Honey, you get to..." he trails off.
I wanted to say,"When do I get to? Seriously, name a time?"
Instead I say, "You go and have fun, but don't complain to me if I want to just take off sometime."
"That's not fair. I let you go out."
LET ME?!! He's just digging himself into a hole now. I thought parenthood was about teamwork, right?
I'm not really trying to make him feel guilty, I just want him to understand.
How often do I get to just stop at the gas station on a whim and go inside and get myself the super-sized Diet Coke that I am craving without having to unbuckle two young kids and take them kicking and screaming inside because Social Services will take them away from me if I don't. Then I'd have to buy candy and drinks for them because it's not fair that mommy gets a drink and they don't. Then a buck turns into five dollars! I can't afford it! I have the same problem at a drive-thru. I can't win.
Yeah, I've given this a lot of thought.
Being a mom comes with a little cage that you get locked in to with little cell mates that are totally dependant on you. So many times I need to just run somewhere and do something but I put it off because I can't muster up the energy to find two extra pairs of shoes, wrestle with surprisingly strong little legs to put the shoes on, change two diapers, remember to pack two more in my bag, etc. Just to unload them from the car and wrestle with them while I do one quick little errand that turns into a hair-pulling mess.
So, yes, sometimes I feel trapped. My cell mates are delightful for the most part, and I enjoy my little cage (I wouldn't have it any other way), but the lack of freedom tends to get to me. I don't even get to use the bathroom in private!
Thus, I sigh, "I wish I could take off any time I want to and do something fun."
Friday, April 24, 2009
Sick Momma
I am ashamed to admit that it is a gorgeous day today, but my kids have been in front of the tube playing, destroying, tormenting, and all but burning the house down while I have been pathetically trying to catch up on some housework I have fallen behind on. I have tackled the mountain of laundry I haven't touched in (gasp) over a week. The pile was eminating a certain something of an odor so foul I couldn't stand be in my room. As much as I wanted to curl up in my bed amongst all the filth and just pretend the world didn't exist today, being the mother that I am, I had to get up.
Who suffers when Mom is sick? Everyone. Nothing gets done. No one gets fed. My kids weren't dressed until noon. They didn't have lunch until 2:00PM. As I am trying to do the laundry and keep them out of trouble, my desire to flop on my bed and sleep grows and grows.
I can suck it up, but I have been trying to fight this sickness for the past few days. I thought I had it beat, but I had to surrender today.
What is a mom to do with her kids when she feels too miserable to do anything? Is it normal to feel guilty for being so sick? The guilt is beating me down more than the illness. I should be patient and smiley and play with my boys no matter how miserable I'm feeling, right? Sorry, I'm rebelling today.
Who suffers when Mom is sick? Everyone. Nothing gets done. No one gets fed. My kids weren't dressed until noon. They didn't have lunch until 2:00PM. As I am trying to do the laundry and keep them out of trouble, my desire to flop on my bed and sleep grows and grows.
I can suck it up, but I have been trying to fight this sickness for the past few days. I thought I had it beat, but I had to surrender today.
What is a mom to do with her kids when she feels too miserable to do anything? Is it normal to feel guilty for being so sick? The guilt is beating me down more than the illness. I should be patient and smiley and play with my boys no matter how miserable I'm feeling, right? Sorry, I'm rebelling today.
Sunday, April 19, 2009
Surviving Marriage... literally
I almost lost my husband yesterday. Actually, I did lose him. He knew right where he was, but nobody else did. What was supposed to be a fun day snowmobiling turned dangerous. He was able to call me and tell me he was okay, but his father, who was up on the mountain with him, didn't know where he was.
I could dedicate this post to how stupid men are. That they don't take necessary precautions, they think it's wimpy to be prepared, etc., but I won't.
I knew my husband could take care of himself. He has been trained in wilderness survival, he was in the army, and he's a doctor. I knew he could take care of himself. I was just hoping he would be out of there before dark.
He got out, he was safe, but we did have to call search and rescue to find his dad. They found him, and he was fine.
This whole experience sent me reeling! Seriously, I tend to worry myself into a frenzy, and I panic, and basically have an anxiety attack. Not good traits in the wife of an adventurer, which is what my husband is. Also not good traits in a mother of two boys who are destined to be just like their father.
My mother-in-law was cool the whole time. She wasn't worried until it got dark and we had to call search and rescue. Then she sort of got some worry lines in her forehead. She was mostly mad.
So, I had about six hours to think about what horrible things could happen to my husband and what I would do without him. I'd probably shrivel up into a ball and die. Basically. It made me wonder if I was too dependent on him. Is that a bad thing to depend on someone so much that I don't think I could survive without him? I would have to for the sake of my children, but I think I'd really need my mommy.
I could dedicate this post to how stupid men are. That they don't take necessary precautions, they think it's wimpy to be prepared, etc., but I won't.
I knew my husband could take care of himself. He has been trained in wilderness survival, he was in the army, and he's a doctor. I knew he could take care of himself. I was just hoping he would be out of there before dark.
He got out, he was safe, but we did have to call search and rescue to find his dad. They found him, and he was fine.
This whole experience sent me reeling! Seriously, I tend to worry myself into a frenzy, and I panic, and basically have an anxiety attack. Not good traits in the wife of an adventurer, which is what my husband is. Also not good traits in a mother of two boys who are destined to be just like their father.
My mother-in-law was cool the whole time. She wasn't worried until it got dark and we had to call search and rescue. Then she sort of got some worry lines in her forehead. She was mostly mad.
So, I had about six hours to think about what horrible things could happen to my husband and what I would do without him. I'd probably shrivel up into a ball and die. Basically. It made me wonder if I was too dependent on him. Is that a bad thing to depend on someone so much that I don't think I could survive without him? I would have to for the sake of my children, but I think I'd really need my mommy.
Tuesday, April 14, 2009
Vaccinations and Autism
http://www.netmums.com/images/immunisations.jpgThis is such a sensitive and controversial topic, but it's the one I get asked about every time I tell someone that my son has autism. "Do you think that his vaccinations caused it?"
First of all, I have not found any scientific evidence that proves that vaccines can trigger autism. My husband is a med student with access to all the findings (i.e. medical journals, studies, etc.) on autism, and he has not found any evidence anywhere that suggests vaccines can cause it. I'm not saying they can't, but I am saying WE have not found any proof. If anyone out there reading this has any from a reliable source (not Jenny McCarthy), feel free to send it to me.
Second, I did hear that a certain preservative in some vaccinations may have been a trigger. That preservative has since been removed from vaccines, and still there has been no change in the rate of diagnoses. This preservative has caused panic among parents and they have taken their kids off of all preservatives and gone completely organic. If that works for you, great. I, personally, have a hard enough time getting my child to eat let alone force all natural foods that taste like wood down his throat.
Third, it is my belief that certain babies are not ready to be given four vaccinations at a time. To me, this seems like a shock to their little immune systems. When people ask me my opinion of whether or not to get their children vaccinated, I say, "YES, but your baby doesn't have to get them all at once." I think parents should be careful. If the birth went well, and the baby is healthy and strong, he could probably handle the four shots at once. However, if the baby is premature or underweight or had a traumatic/complicated birth, maybe they should spread out the vaccines.
Fourth, I do not believe in drug company conspiracies. I DO NOT believe that vaccines are a ploy from drug companies to make money. They make our society safe, they keep our children alive, and they keep disease from spreading.
Fifth, I believe vaccines are a gift from God.
Sixth, I know with all my being that vaccinations did not trigger MY son's autism.
Scheduling...
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v606/autismfamily/sentencestrips.jpgHow is my new schedule going? Not well. I crave the structure of a schedule, and it's just not happening. Currently, we are living with my parents while in transition to a new home. Keeping things structured around here is nearly impossible. My husband has such a random work schedule, and my dad doesn't get home from work at the same time every day, and my little sister is in college, so she's very unpredictable. Growing up we never went to bed at the same time every night and we never woke up at the same time in the morning. I know this drove my mom crazy and she tried to set rules for us that we just rolled our eyes at. There were five of us, so that was five different schedules she had to work with. Not easy. I only have two kids, and they are very close in age, so it shouldn't be too difficult to put them on a schedule. It shouldn't, but it is. Boo.
When we lived in our own place, I had the day set up in a series of routines. In his more serious stages of autism, Cory thrived on predictability. Anything out of the ordinary threw him into a funk that usually resulted in uncontrollable tantrums. We had to keep everything familiar and structured. I was terrified whenever we had to try something new. As Cory started to improve, we were able to be more flexible, but for a couple months there, we didn't really go anywhere. I was too afraid of how Cory would react and how people would react to him.
We had a morning routine, wake up, breakfast, watch Sesame Street (this was the only TV he was allowed all day) while I got ready for the day, then he would get dressed, and we would play or go somewhere until our lunch routine. We had an afternoon routine, dinner routine, and a bedtime routine. I had a chart with pictures that would show him what we were doing "NOW" and "THEN". He didn't really care about the chart once we got the routine down. We still have these routines, but they are more sporadic and unpredictable which is why I want a schedule!
I feel that dinner is a very important time for structure. It is the best opportunity to meet together as a family. I would love to have dinner at the same time every day, but in this house, it's horribly difficult.
My kids are usually starving by 5:00PM. My dad doesn't get home until 6:30, and who knows when my husband will grace us with his presence. Stupid sick people coming in at the end of the day... stupids. Naw, I just wish my husband had a little consistency in his schedule.
Anyway, dinner at our house usually goes from 5:00-7:30. I have to feed my kids around 5:00 or the world will end, but I want to eat with my husband, and he doesn't get home until late. Boo. No win.
Suggestions anyone?
When we lived in our own place, I had the day set up in a series of routines. In his more serious stages of autism, Cory thrived on predictability. Anything out of the ordinary threw him into a funk that usually resulted in uncontrollable tantrums. We had to keep everything familiar and structured. I was terrified whenever we had to try something new. As Cory started to improve, we were able to be more flexible, but for a couple months there, we didn't really go anywhere. I was too afraid of how Cory would react and how people would react to him.
We had a morning routine, wake up, breakfast, watch Sesame Street (this was the only TV he was allowed all day) while I got ready for the day, then he would get dressed, and we would play or go somewhere until our lunch routine. We had an afternoon routine, dinner routine, and a bedtime routine. I had a chart with pictures that would show him what we were doing "NOW" and "THEN". He didn't really care about the chart once we got the routine down. We still have these routines, but they are more sporadic and unpredictable which is why I want a schedule!
I feel that dinner is a very important time for structure. It is the best opportunity to meet together as a family. I would love to have dinner at the same time every day, but in this house, it's horribly difficult.
My kids are usually starving by 5:00PM. My dad doesn't get home until 6:30, and who knows when my husband will grace us with his presence. Stupid sick people coming in at the end of the day... stupids. Naw, I just wish my husband had a little consistency in his schedule.
Anyway, dinner at our house usually goes from 5:00-7:30. I have to feed my kids around 5:00 or the world will end, but I want to eat with my husband, and he doesn't get home until late. Boo. No win.
Suggestions anyone?
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